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If you don't have a sister to send you random emails at 1:53am you should go get one right now!

I have a sister. She is 16 months older than me and the oldest of us four siblings. In stereotypical First Child form, she has spent the majority of her life over succeeding at everything. She doesn't just join the college sorority: she becomes the president. She doesn't just learn how to clog: she starts her own clogging studio and teaches clogging to youth. And then she starts a business on the side catering to the clogging shoe world.

In short, her general over-achievement makes me look like much more of a slacker than I actually am. And trust me, I can slack quite well on my own, thankyouverymuch.

But we are alike, her and I. We actually do share some of the same qualities (although she'd probably deny this to her death)... humor and wit being one of them. In a way, I think that if I tried harder I could be more successful like her. Or, if she would just stop putting forth effort she, too, could be as lazy and unsuccessful as me. It's a very precarious balance.

Anyway. Super Sister decided she didn't have enough on her plate what with the farm they live on, the dance studio she runs, the shoe business she owns, the kids she raises, the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group she belongs to.... so she decided to go back to college. I'm not sure what she is exactly, but I know she can add a whole bunch of capital letters at the end of her name and whatever class she's taking this summer is probably going to allow her to add even more letters. (I, however, have no letters I can add at the end of my name. My name just stops.)

This morning I woke up and checked my email like I do every morning... and found this little note from my sister (which she sent at 1:53am) who had been busy working on a paper that is due today:


Things I did that made writing my first paper take a REALLY, REALLY long time:

A few legitimate things that I just stretched out – like make dinner and wipe off the table and counters and do dishes and start the laundry and vacuum the floor. Things I (usually) do each night but tonight I did them extra special good.

Read to the kids. Again another thing I did just a bit LONGER than usual.

Then I needed to go on Facebook and make sure to check with someone about ordering some Scentsy stuff.

Because my house needs to have a fun summer scent.

And I had to repost the info about the Delta Zeta reunion in July.

Next I had to send out an email to my instructors about my new adult instructors-in-training. (Oh, and earlier I had to talk to C----on the phone for awhile about that, too.)

Then I had an idea for my new instructors in training so I sent them an email.

Because now would be a good time to start bombarding them with my random ideas.

Then I had to send an email to M---- about teaching a few girls in a special class when we start classes.

On July 10th. But she needed that info tonight for sure.

Then I looked up KLOVEto find the artist for the song MOVE.

And then look up the Mercy Me website (because they happen to be the artist) to find the info on the fun thing they are doing for their new song MOVE.

And then I did an email to my instructors about that and sent them the link.

Then since I was on google chrome I thought I should see if they really didn’t sell Leinenkugal in Arkansas and I discovered that they did indeed sell it so I sent that information to my in-laws so they too could experience the new Summer Shandy. I also spent some time checking out the Leine’s apparel because who couldn’t use another beer shirt?

And then I noticed I didn’t close my facebook page out when I went on my beer run, so I checked facebook again and saw C---’s funny link about the chicken and had to check out The Bloggess blog and then make sure I sent a message to you to make sure you saw it. I spent a few more minutes laughing at the blog and wishing I hadn’t accepted friend requests from anyone under 18 because I would SO be sharing a link to this chicken story if I could!!

So I shared a link I was going to share the other day on my MOPS group page. Something without swear words.

And I sent a few friend requests to some MOPS moms from my bible study that I was thinking were pretty cool.

And they are.

After I did some Facebook stalking I found out the one is married to the dentist that did my root canal and he was super cool about dealing with my freaky dental anxiety.

The other is married to some guy that does something in animation because he was working on the 3-2-1 Penguins! show a few years ago (which I discovered when I clicked on the link to her blog and tried to figure out a bit about her) and I love that little show.

Which made me remember that I wanted to get more of those DVDs so I went on the library website and searched for the library that had them and then placed a hold for them. (And renewed my overdue item.)

Then my phone blinked to tell me that friend requests were accepted.

So I had to quick check the wall of new friend in case my previous Facebook stalking didn’t reveal enough relevant information at the time.

Then I thought perhaps a Leinenkugel Summer Shandy might help me finish my paper.

So I got up and got one.

And I thought that recapping my terrible procrastinating habits would be funny so I started an email to you.

And will continue to come back and add to it until I finish my paper.

Observation… Leinenkugel does have an effect on my writing process: my grammar and spell check are working very hard right now.

Thought I saw the light blinking on my phone. Stopped to check. Nope – not one of my emails or Facebook posts have been replied to.

Another Facebook check lets me know a friend from college posted pics called “Fontana 2011” of course I must check this out. Why was she in Fontana? I cannot discern this from said photos and most peek at her page for a moment. Hmmmm…lives in Richfield, WI. Where is that? better google it. Washington County. Hmmmm… wonder what it’s like there. Suppose I better check out the municipality website for pics and school info. Because at quarter to midnight I must take time away from my paper to research a town I will most likely never even visit, much less live there.

Damn, I suck at this paper crap.

Maybe a google search of Tony Dungy inspirational quotes will inspire me.

Must share favorite Tony Dungy quote on Facebook.

Another Facebook time waster.

Paper is done.

And saved.

But not printed because it will need to be reread in the morning.

But I still went on Facebook and made sure everyone knew about the Great American Backyard Campout.


And this email is exactly why people must procreate properly and provide sisters to their siblings. If you don't have one and your mom and dad tell you they're done having kids, and you really want a sister, you can apply to share mine. Note: you must be able to quote virtually the entire Monty Python and the Holy Grail movie. If you can't, don't bother applying. I would suggest renting the movie and practicing first.

(Also, I think she's way better at procrastinating than me, too....)


Ellen said…
Can I just say I was exhausted after reading your sister's letter. After my "normal" day I am too pooped to have time to think much, let alone to email late in the evening. If she has any extra of whatever is in her coffee let me know. I could use some.
Johi said…
Bwahahaha! AWESOME. I am so glad facebook wasn't around because I was SUCH a procrastinator when it came to papers. I would always clean the house too.... Then I would blame the professors for awarding my bad behavior with good grades.
And tell your sister "NI!" from the Corn Fed Girl.
missdaniway said…
I don't have a sister. Or a brother for that matter. And now I feel like I'm missing out. So, I would like to apply. And, no I am not trying to suggest that coconuts migrate. I am meerly trying to fart in your general direction.
Becca said…
That is some SERIOUS procrastinating. But Ryan and I noticed that our house has never been cleaner than it was in grad school.
sue said…
hahaha!! i love it. i can so relate...sigh... :)
HeatherB said…
I have a sister. Sometimes she sends me drunk e-mails at 1:53 AM - they are always mean and never as cute and funny as your sister. You are very lucky indeed.

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