Dude. They're not giraffes.
Quit saying they're giraffes.
Because they're camels.
Well, they look like giraffes.
No they don't. Those are plain; giraffes have spots.
Giraffes don't have spots... they have blobs and blotches.
Whatever. Just stop saying they're giraffes. They're camels.
I don't know what that bothers you.
Because giraffes weren't present at the birth of the Lord our Savior.
Do you have proof?
And then I just glared at him until the toddler drove us both nuts and he had to take him out for the rest of the program at which time I was able to update my Facebook status to something snarky about Big V's Jesus being born under the watchful eye of an 18-foot cud chewing mammal.
Then, today I was reading what The Bloggess wrote about how there's probably hula hoop porn - but she doesn't necessarily partake in it, regardless of what her neighbor might think, and sure enough, there really is hula hoop porn (but I was way too chicken to click on that link) and then The Bloggess said that there's basically porn for everything and that got me thinking about hopscotch porn because if you think there's a lot of wiggly and jiggling going on while hula hooping imagine what the jarring motions of hopscotch could do?
Then that got me thinking about Big V and his giraffe attended nativity and I thought huh. Maybe if there's hula hoop porn there might possibly be a nativity with a giraffe in it and guess what I found?
|Yes, Virginia, there really was a giraffe present at the birth of Jesus Christ!|
And then that got me thinking about how I've been wanting to collect things for awhile now but I just can't come up with the right thing to collect. I thought about collecting buttons because they don't take up much space, plus every shirt and sweater I buy seems to include an extra one in a mini plastic Ziploc bag and I never know what to do with them. But then I thought what if people find out I collect buttons? They'll want to give me buttons as a gift. Which is cool to grow my collection, but let's be honest. Who wants to open a button for their birthday?
So then that made me think maybe I'd start collecting nativity scenes. Only strange ones. Like this one:
But that got me thinking about how I am actually terrified of owls for two reasons: (1) they're always glaring and I'm basically terrified of anything and anyone that glares (which explains my irrational fear of Jack Nicholson) and, (2) my sister once loaned me a book and said I had to read it and it was this horrible psychological thriller about a guy who kills his friends off one by one and leaves this little owl figurine at the scene of every crime.
And so then I thought about what messed up nativity scenes I'd surely receive because I've got some really twisted relatives. And friends.
And then I decided I'm definitely not collecting nativity scenes. Because of the nightmares and also because they take up way more space than buttons and I hate clutter. So, I guess I'm basically saying I'm open for suggestions. Because I want to be the type of person who is remembered by others when they're out shopping.
"Oh, look at this beautiful music box! Aunt Susie will absolutely love it!"
"...and then we saw this gorgeous dolphin sculpture and immediately thought of you!"
See, there really isn't anything out there that people see and go, "A-ha! This is absolutely Bridget!" Although, now that I think about it, maybe buttons is the direction to go because they're basically everywhere.
"I was about to throw out this sweater but then I remembered you collect buttons, so I took them all off and here, I'm giving them to you."
"And then I looked down on the ground and wouldn't you know it? A button! Like it was a sign from God!"
"So, I come out of the john, buttoning up my pants and I totally started thinking of you!"