Monday, December 12, 2011

Necessities: an imperative requirement.

Dear Teenager:

Please take up a hobby. Because right now you have way too much time on your hands attempting to badger me into purchasing a brand new phone for you. Again.

Here's a few thoughts - things I would tell you if you quit whining long enough to listen:

(1.) No where in the Parenting Manual does it say I owe you a phone.

(2.) Your current phone seems to be working just fine since you've called me no less than three times in the last two days to complain about it. Not to mention the various text messages you've sent to remind me of what a piece of crap it it.

(3.) I don't care that so-and-so's mom just got her the brand new iphone 4s super-soaker deluxe model with real 3-karat diamonds for buttons.

(4.) Actually, "just a hundred dollars" is a lot of money. If it wasn't, you'd have it.

(5.) It's one hundred dollars. Not a hundred.

(6.) Get a job. That way you could buy a new phone every week if you so desired.

(7.) In case there's an awful emergency and I need to get a hold of you I will more than likely call the land line. It's an ancient procedure but one I'm proficient at.

(8.) Yes, I realize it's so unfair that I won't get you a new phone.

(9.) It's also so unfair that 1/3 of the world is starving and that more than 15 million children die from hunger each year.


(10.) Maybe you ought to take a few minutes to rethink your priorities.

Merry Christmas,

Love Mom

5 comments:

Johi said...

I can't wait until my kids are teenagers.... not.

Becca said...

Oy!

Franny said...

Agreed! It's hard for *me* to wrap my mind around what I *want* for Christmas and what I *need* for Christmas, and what the rest of the world wants and needs. Needs that I should help more with. And I have a 40ish old brain to try to think with. Teenagers are missing most of their brains.

Crystal said...

oof!! That's a tough one mama. My teen is insisting that he "needs" an iPod touch because "everybody else" has one. When did these gadgest and "must haves" become SO expensive!?! Good grief!

Stephanie Simpson Lazenby said...

You are fan-frickin-tastic! I am saving that and will read it word for word to my girls when they are teenagers. Thank you!