Friday, December 16, 2011

The One In Which I Bestow Upon You Awesome Gifting Ideas. (You are welcome.)



Christmas preparations are in full swing in my neck of the woods! And by that I mean just about everyone I know is finished shopping and wrapping their gifts and they're all sitting around cozy fires drinking eggnog and reveling in holiday cheer. Except for me. Because I pretty much need to get my butt in gear ASAP or Santa will be issuing a statement to my children stating Christmas has been postponed until March. (Don't think I won't.)

Since the spirit of the season is all about helping others (and not complaining about my own situation) I figured I'd help you brainstorm some last minute gift ideas for those Hard to Buy For people you've got sitting on your list. Sure you could always fall back on your standard gift card to the local big box store but everyone knows that's basically another way of saying I didn't care to expend actual effort figuring out what to get you so instead I met my friends for a glass or three of wine and stopped half sloshed to grab you this gift card. You should be thankful I physically got out of the car to purchase it. Which reminds me, when is Walmart getting a drive through? 


Yes, gift cards say all that. So, allow me to move you back up to Best Gift Giver EVER status with the following suggestions:




Perfect for your four year old nephew who can't
stop body ramming you around every corner
and who still hasn't learned to shut the hell up.





Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without Mary.
Here's a little something for your Catholic grandmother...
it's perfect because old people eat a lot of toast.





For the person who needs everything to be just so....
the perfect solution to avoid crazed murderous
holiday meltdowns in the kitchen
(although, admittedly, they are fun to capture on video
and upload to your YouTube account).






Every parent likes to know how they can improve
on what they're already doing:




For that really weird cousin whose name you drew
that you're pretty sure has never succeeded in any 
normal social interaction:







Finally! A bedtime classic kids can actually relate to:




For the man who has everything; 
including an odd obsession with bacon...
(I'm thinking of you, Joe Falcone.)







Ladies! A little book to help get you in the mood.... 
or to just leave around the house 
in the hopes that your man will open it and TAKE THE HINT.





and for my Jewish friends - 
you know I would never forget about you 
during this snowy season:


3 comments:

Rebecca said...

Bahahaha! That cheese tray looks awfully familiar. :)

HeatherB said...

I am thinking that I would love the book on how to traumatize children. I am even betting that I could come up with some they have missed. It looks awesome.

So does that measuring cup...

Johi said...

I totally bought that book for someone a few years ago!