Wednesday, November 30, 2011

So, I heard there's this thing called Black Friday.

I'm still trying to figure out if I survived Thanksgiving Weekend.

In addition to rocking out an awesome full basement clean out, I also managed to singlehandedly consume an entire pumpkin pie, wrangle a toddler's constantly disappearing diaper and a teen's radically erupting hormones. I'm pretty sure there was a third child in the mix somewhere but for the life of me I can't picture how she fit into the weekend. For all I know she spent the entire four days in her room playing video games.

While at my parent's house for Thanksgiving Dinner, Big V was educated on this little event referred to as Black Friday. The man had never heard of it. But there was my dad, waving a Best Buy flyer announcing a 42" television set for only $200!

Why, we must get this TV!

You're on your own, buddy. I don't like shopping. And I don't like people. And I definitely don't like shopping where there are people.

But it's only two hundred dollars! You're never going to find a deal like this!

And you aren't either because there are only ten sets in the store and people have been camping out in front of the store for two days already waiting for those deals. They'll be gone in three minutes.

Oh, ye of little faith...

It was at that moment decided Big V would attend his first ever Black Friday event. Solo. Because there was no way I was going out in the freezing cold just to stand amongst people. And then be forced into friendly banter because Big V always gives me the hairy eyeball when I'm around strangers who try to talk to me. I don't know you! Why are you talking to me?!

Around 8pm I looked at him and said, "you'd better hurry." But he said the doors don't open until midnight. (He's so cute.)

Around 9pm I looked at him and said, "you'd better hurry." But he reminded me that he had three full hours before the deals began. (He's so innocent.)

Around 10pm I looked at him and said, "you'd better hurry." But he cocked his head to the side and asked what he should do should he arrive two hours before the store opened. (He's so wrong.)

Around 11pm I looked at him and said, "you'd better hurry." And he finally left. (Just to shut me up.)

During his fifteen minute drive he called with the following report: "There's not one car on the road! Not one! No one is out right now! No one!" That's because they're already parked, waiting at the store.

His next report came in upon his arrival at the strip mall: "OHMYGAWD! THERE'S PEOPLE EVERYWHERE! There's no place to park AT ALL! WHAT ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE DOING HERE?!" Welcome to Black Friday, honey.

After waiting two hours only to learn the prized television sets had been sold three minutes after opening, Big V announced that he's never going to waste his time at a Black Friday ever again.

And then my sister introduced me to this little thing called Cyber Monday.... my results were much, much better.


Becca said...

They're like toddlers. They have to learn by trying.

Brenna said...

It's so adorable how naive he was in that situation. People officially make camping out THROUGH Thanksgiving their "family tradition." And shit yes, I am judging ALL up in that.

Cynthia M. said...

How has he never heard of Black Friday? Are you forcing your man to live locked in the basement and only letting him out on holidays? Are you feeding him at least?

And also, Cyber Monday is determined to take all my money from me.