Monday, April 11, 2011

Those Pork Rinds Totally Blew My Budget

You know what I'm never going to do again? Besides take a huge bite out of an onion and down it with a shot of whiskey just so I can dance the night away as opposed to staying in bed trying to sleep off a cold? Take Big V grocery shopping with me. Because that, my friends, was torture.

First off, when I go shopping with the kids and they're trying to dump boxes of hostess cupcakes in the cart, I can snap at them at tell them to put it back or they're not going to watch TV for a week. Do you know how people look at you when you say that to a grown man? Not very nicely, if I do say so myself. Instead, they're all shaking their heads muttering things like why do all the nice men end up with such bitchy women?

Also, do you know how many aisles are in a grocery store? Way too many to hear, "Oh! I forgot about these! I really like these. We should get these." Again. And again. And again.

And, like most Americans we're on a budget. A budget I had to remind V of several times as he was tossing in bags of pork rinds and jars of seasoned mustard. Also, this cart is getting heavy so maybe you should push it with your big manly arms and then maybe you'll be distracted and not keep throwing crap in the cart.

Except you can't push the cart without running into the back of my foot, can you? Which leads to the question why must you actually push the cart a half inch behind me? Are you intentionally trying to see if I'll punch you in public? And so I'll just push it myself.

And then, Big V wanted to know what that paper was I grabbed when I first came into the store. Which would be the store coupons. Which are great when something you need is on sale.

Big V was very impressed with the super savings. So impressed, in fact, he snatched that flyer right out of my hands and started sprinting around the store intent on finding every great deal listed.

Tuna fish? Why look! You can get three cans for a dollar! Surely we'll need those!

Hey! Looky here - frozen pot pies are on sale! But no one eats frozen pot pies. Doesn't matter! They're on sale so surely we shall buy some!

And that is how my $80 budgeted grocery bill came to $120 and why Big V is never accompanying me to the grocery store ever again. Although, on a positive note, we did save twenty dollars in coupons.

Oh. And the onion/whiskey thing? Totally works.


Johi said...

Thank you AGAIN for making me laugh out loud.
And then there is this... "why do all the nice men end up with such bitchy women?" I think I am going to hire my friend
to embroider it onto matching tank tops for my spouse and me to wear around town.
By the way, how the hell do you buy groceries for a family of 5 for a week with $80?

Tina, said...

LOL! Too funny! Husband used to be exactly like that! And yes how do you shop for a family of 5 for $80 a week?

HeatherB said...

And this is exactly why I grocery shop only one weeknights that the Hubs has off so that he can watch the kid while I do the shopping. Last Monday, I got everything we need for a month for $198 and was only out of the house for an hour and a half. Of course, he was asleep when I got back home and I had to empty the car all by myself, but it's a small price to pay for a) time alone, b) all that money saved, and c)my sanity. Great post!

Ellen said...

Taking our men shopping at the grocery store is such an experience. They seem to pick up items that we would never pick up. Then try to convince us we need it.

Mine is learning to read labels..that is opening his eyes.

Leslie said...

I hate going to the store with my husband because he feels the need to go down EVERY ISLE!! Why you may ask?? "Because there might be something there I want"