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Living God's Purpose in the Bathroom

I believe that God gave each and every one of us a purpose to be fulfilled in our time here on earth. Mine happens to be placing the rolls of toilet paper actually on the toilet paper holder.

You see, not everyone can do this. It takes great physical strength and immense education to accomplish this feat on a regular basis. And, while it is true I get winded walking up a flight of stairs and I don't currently hold a PhD, God granted me enough brain cells to figure out the complicated contraption and enough muscular power to muster through the task.
Where would my family be if not for me?

Rolls of toilet paper would be left haphazardly on the bathroom counter, waiting anxiously for water to spill over and wilt its precious edges. Rolls would hang precariously off the edge of the toilet tank terrified of that final moment when some outside force causes it to plunge to its death, only to be found hours later, clogging the bowl, bloated like a dead cow in July. Or, as was the case yesterday, a roll could be left, isolated, alone, sitting on the entry table by the front door, wondering if anyone was ever going to come to its rescue and return it to the security of it's home. Meaning the bathroom. Not the front entry.

My poor family would be reduced to drip drying because there would not be any toilet paper available within reach. I imagine them crying out, "Lord! What precious time is lost here on the toilet wondering where the hell the toilet paper is! Please send someone to save us, Lord!"

Alas! My family shall never be frightened or afraid. The good Lord sent me.

I have been blessed with the understanding of the elusive toilet paper holder. I understand the spring loaded action of the plastic tube. My hands are able to complete the difficult "push in, tilt towards, pull out" motion that is required to take the roller off. I understand the concept of taking off the old, finished cardboard roll from the holder before attempting to place the new roll on. (See, that part can be tricky. You're stuck standing there trying to shove the new roll on and can't understand why it's not working... it's because the old roll has to be removed first! Tricky, indeed.)

I search out displaced toilet paper rolls from throughout the house and return them to the bathroom. I save rolls from countertop and toilet tanks. I save rolls from under beds and hall closets and the back seats of cars and wherever else they might land. And, proudly, filled with God's purpose, I continue to replace old rolls with new.

Comments

HeatherB said…
What's funny is I do this everywhere I go, not just at home. Last Sunday (I kid you not) I found myself in the restroom at church replacing every bleeping one. How is it possible that I am the only one in the church that has this purpose?

We have a special place in Heaven waiting just for us. I know it.
Johi said…
Haha! We have one of those c-shaped ones so that everyone can participate in changing the roll. Those springs being soooo complicated and all...
FabBecky said…
I swear that we are married to the same man and living the same life in different parts of the country...

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