Funny blog. I laughed. But I'm also worried about you.... especially after reading that you and Big V installed your own washer and dryer.
What do you mean? Didn't you read? We got it done!
Uh... does your washer actually drain onto the basement floor?
Uh, no. It technically drains into this really old, iron laundry tub thing. And then that fills up and overflows because it doesn't drain.
And then the water drains on the floor....
Well, technically it's just sort of flowing over onto the floor. Can we say flowing? Because flowing sounds so much prettier than draining. It's kind of like a water feature. In my basement.
That can be dangerous.
No. No, it's not dangerous at all. It's just water. I mean, sure, that one time the Bean was carrying a load of - well, actually she was holding Cletus, but that's beside the point - and sure she slipped in the water, but Cletus was fine!
What happened to the Bean?
Well, she may have cracked her jaw on the concrete floor and it may have bruised up pretty bad... but she had a lot of make-up to cover it up so no one really noticed.
This is a problem. People are getting injured. It's not safe anymore. I worry about you.
You shouldn't. Really. I have everything under control.
I'm here to offer you the gift of help. I can come and properly fix the plumbing. Will you please accept this gift?
I talked to Big V and he agreed with David. "It's time," he said. "You can't do this on your own." So I agreed to accept the help David was offering because nothing says I love you like an Intervention.
Cousin David stopped over to assess the situation and see what he was up against. I opened the basement door to which he exclaimed, "Dear god! What is that stench?" and I showed him the ancient un-draining laundry tub with the stagnant, rotting water filled to its brim. "Oh, yeah. You've got problems."
I half expected him to sprint up the stairs and give up, but luckily for me (as well as for everyone in my house with a sense of smell), he stayed and removed some pipes and unclogged some pipes and drained the sink and cleaned out the sink and oh, man! that is one disgusting job!
He came back a couple nights later and with the help of Big V and a 30-pack of Milwaukee's Best (a beer that just happens to have earned a D- grade from beeradvocate.com, but I digress) I now have an actual, real, working, draining system that does not put a single drop of water on the floor! Not to mention the cumbersome laundry sink is ancient history which added a LOT of space.
I wasn't there when they were working but caught bits and pieces of their work day: It involved both of them consuming about 13 cans of beer each as well as some sort of power actuated gun nailer (and they both liked the smell of the gun powder). It did not involve telling the girls they could not flush the toilet when the water had been turned off. It did involve the Bean peeing inside said do-not-flush toilet which she subsequently flushed, causing the contents to travel down the big pipe and flowed out the opening onto David's hand. Kind of like a water feature.
After David left for the night I caught Big V staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, flexing his arm muscles.
I never realized how big my muscles look in this shirt. They look huge. I'm going to wear this shirt more often. I mean, look at them - they look huge!
I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure that was the beer talking.
A big THANK YOU to my cousin David who felt compelled to offer help after reading about our plight on my blog. I cannot begin to explain how awesome it is to have a dry basement floor. Also, sorry about the whole my daughter peed on your hand thing.