Monday, January 16, 2012

Parenting Lesson #1: Remember, YOU are bigger than they are.

Hello? I snuggled deeper into the overstuffed chaise lounge, pulling my blanket tighter around me. I was at a really good part in my book, but considering Big V had my baby out on a sledding hill I figured I ought to answer this ringing phone, lest the child be broken in a million pieces, requiring me to immediately rush to the nearest trauma center.

"Cletus LOVES sledding! We've gone at least twenty times and he keeps wanting to go again. It's hard, though, because there's no rope on this sled; if there was a rope I could just pull him to the top, but there isn't so I have to carry him and the sled."

Oh. that's nice. I nestled in deeper. Could I get lost in here? If I went missing they might want to start with these couch cushions. Is a chaise lounge even considered a couch? I mean, it's not as big as a couch, but it's bigger than a chair, and you can put your feet up on it. Chaise lounge just sounds so hoity-toity.

"Yeah. I keep asking him if he wants to go home or if he wants to go again and he just keeps saying he wants to sled. I tried to get him to come home but when we started walking to the truck he started screaming."

Hahaha. Okay, I admit. It was a weak chuckle but he was interrupting my Me Time.

"Yeah, and, uh, the game's gonna start pretty soon and I really want to watch it but I guess I won't be able to if I'm still sledding, hahaha."

Wait. Did he just weak chuckle back at me? I believe he did.

"So, yeah. Uh. Well, hey! Maybe if you came and like, parked at the bottom of the hill, you could video tape him sledding or something and then when he saw you he'll probably just want to go with you."

*crickets*

Let me get this straight. You want me to bundle up, drive to the sledding hill, pretend to video tape your child in the hopes that said child will see me, get excited and want to come with me, allowing you ample time to return home to watch a football game?

*crickets*

Might I offer you a suggestion?

"....uh.... sure....."

Pick the kid up, strap him in his car seat and drive home.

Rookie.

3 comments:

Becca said...

I've never understood people who say "So and so would NEVER let me drop him off in the church nursery." Um. You carry their twenty-five pound ass in there, put them on the floor, then walk away. How hard is that?

Ellen said...

Mmmm...yes, I am amazed how my dear hubby seems to lose the ability to parent a child. Fun, games oh yes they are right in there but the ugly stuff can get to them. Oh and not all as I do know some fine and noteworthy men who do it quite well. Just mine can't juggle or time manage.

Love the post today!

Phoenix Rising said...

@Becca: *snort!* Also, the church nursery is my heroin. I cannot ever get enough.

@Ellen: I hear ya! I can get 25 minutes of uninterrupted train play but ask him to drop the kid into a bed? Forget about it.