Thursday, January 26, 2012

The One In Which Jenny Is Moved to My (Literal) Sh$t List.

If you've been following my blog you know that I've decided to learn to knit. Except I'm finding out it's way harder than it looks and my scarf that started out with 30 stitches in Row 1 has now grown to 47 stitches. (Somehow I added two more last night when I was "purling.")

Suffice it to say, my scarf has grown to epic proportions and no longer looks like a scarf but more like a shawl. So my funny friend Jenny said I could call it a sharf. Which I thought was completely awesome!

And so I've spent that past two days blogging about my sharf.

My sharfing skills.

My sharfing abilities.

My sharfing expertise.

My sharfing enjoyment.

And how I'm going to give my sharf to my sister.

And then I wrote about Crazy Ed the Knitting God and how in response to his pompous self-righteousness and also his (probably) sociopathic tendencies to tie women up in his basement and use their hair to knit sweaters (thanks a lot for that comment, Tina; I didn't sleep all night.) I announced I was working on a sharf. And had plans to sharf some more when I was done.

And then I got pretty much every woman in the class wishing me luck on my sharf. 

And then my Mom came over to my house and said, "uh, remember how you blogged about your sharf? And you said that guy didn't know what a sharf was? And one of your readers said he probably went home and googled it? Well..... perhaps you better hope he doesn't."

And that would be the point in the evening when my mother handed me a folded piece of paper printed with information from the internet search she did on sharfing;

Sharf:
     1. The feeling that you are barfing out your ass. Occurs 
          frequently after a night of drinking and is usually followed 
          up by dry heaving out your ass.
     2. To have to both shit and barf at the same time.
     3. The act of soiling your pants while vomiting. 
     4. To shit and barf at the same at the same time; a shart will 
          sometimes preclude a sharf.


Crazy Ed will be giving a group lecture on gastrointestinal disorders next week.

I, in turn, will be inviting Jenny to knitting class. 

9 comments:

HeatherB said...

Your mom talked about ME! or at least my comment.

Why not call it a scawl? That doesn't bring up anything on Google.

Greg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meg said...

Urban dictionary is full of terrible things. With the way our slang goes, it could be something positive in six months. " Dude, that is the sharf!"

Johi said...

I love that you are calling your handiwork a combination of vomit and poo. Sounds like something I would do.

I tried knitting once. It was too hard. that is all

Tina, said...

Tina cannot comment on this blog today as she is laughing so hard tears are running down her face, and possibly her leg, but nothing is coming out of her as$ at the same time she is vomitting.

FUNNIEST BLOG OF THE MONTH!

Chiconky said...

I never thought I'd be so intrigued and entertained by someone else's knitting circle! I can't wait to see the completed sharf (the yarn one, that is.)

Brenna said...

I KNEW I'd heard that term before, it's like a shart, but worse. I love so much that your mom PRINTED THAT OUT and handed it to you. I'm gasping.

Judson and Sara Luke said...

Poor Georgia sharfed last night about 1am. She said (as I was cleaning the puke from her bed), "I went potty out of my poopers."

Becca said...

HA!!!!! Made up words FTW!