Tuesday, January 17, 2012

New Studies Show the Man Cold can be Cured by Sex.

Last night, Big V followed me around complaining that his right nostril was stuffed up but not the left one. This included several "examples" by which he held one finger to the side of his nose, thereby closing off said nose hole, and attempted to SNIFF. Loudly. One side worked; the other didn't. This happened roughly 672 times until I figured out the correct response was, "Oh, no, honey! I pray to the good Lord above that you aren't near death! Let me stop everything I am doing and apply a cold washcloth to your forehead and hold vigil as you ponder your short but fabulous life while lying on the couch, moaning."

As we all know, the Man Cold can be fatal. The majority of men who come down with the sniffles will more than likely die; it's a slow, painful death... but with non-stop attention from the Lead Female (tucking in blankets, handing out tissue that has the lotion in it, serving up endless bowls of strawberry ice cream, and agreeing to watch nonstop Sports Center), there is hope.

I'll take the snotty toddler who has no clue there's even snot dripping down his face any day.

V was able to raise his head just long enough to ask, "were you comfortable last night?"

What?

"I noticed you slept in your jeans."

Oh. That. Yeah.

"Why were you sleeping in your jeans?"

I was done with laundry and didn't want to make anymore.

"What?"

I had spent the entire day doing laundry and I was actually done - as in not a single item in the house left to wash, but if I changed for bed then the clothes I was wearing would be in the dirty laundry and then I couldn't say I had finished ALL the laundry. It's a matter of saying 'I win, laundry; you lose!'

"Sounds like you lost because you had to sleep in your jeans."

Touché.

"Why didn't you just wash the clothes and come to bed naked?"

Because then you would have thought that I was giving you a loud and clear signal that I wanted to have sex. Which I didn't. Because I was exhausted from doing 27 load of laundry. Also, it was really cold.

"Well.... what about now? I mean.... the laundry's all done......"

Oh, how quick these men can recover.

6 comments:

HeatherB said...

I LOVE that I am not the only woman that sleeps in her jeans when she finishes the GD laundry.

Although, since Z has been alive I have never actually finished the laundry.

Rebecca said...

Is that a bad thing? ;)

Becca said...

This whole thing is hysterical!

Johi said...

Hilarious, as usual! Again, Brock and Big V share a brain.

Ellen said...

Hahahaha! Amazing how their hormones don't get sick! I was told by an older couple that having sex when you have a cold makes you feel better....I'm sorry but when I am sick I want to just get better, have tea and honey and swaddle myself in blankets.

Trista Perot said...

HIlarious. And so true.