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Showing posts from September 11, 2011

A Lot Can Happen In Two Years: Like, 24 months can just fly by!

Two years ago today, I was totally ignoring Big V chow down on a slice of pizza because I was busy cracking up via text messages with my sister. For Christmas I hope she gets me a transcript from our phone records because that conversation was epic!
I was scheduled to deliver a baby and things were going pretty well - I was laughing, V was eating - when all of a sudden a team of health specialists stormed my room and in twenty-five seconds had me racing down the hall for an emergency c-section. All I heard was trouble with his heart and dangerously low level and so your dad is from Australia? (That last one coming from the super spunky anesthesiologist who gave me my epidural about 45 minutes earlier.)
  So cesarean it was! Big V was in charge of pictures. I wanted one the second the baby was born... I am now the proud owner of a pictorial play-by-play of the opening of my gut and filleting of my body fat. It's good stuff.   I remember they had trouble "getting him out.&quo…

A child is the greatest joy, the ultimate Blessing...

*office phone rings*

Good Afternoon. How can I help you?

Can you get two movies from the library?

(It's the Teen Bean.)

Um, no.


Um... I am working.

OH MY GOD! I JUST --- UGHH!!! --- I CAN'T ---- OH MY GOD!

Oryou could walk to the library and get some yourself.... (the library is about 5 blocks away)



Is it possible to actually explode from hormonal combustion?

Boundary Waters Fires: Nothing to Complain About

I am incredibly allergic to smoke. When people who smoke come in the office I start sneezing within two seconds. It gives me a headache and leaves my throat raw and scratchy. My eyes get red and start tearing up. I think it's fair to say I would not have made a sexy smoker. Although I did try smoking. I so desperately wanted to be a smoker because I imagined that first deep inhale to be like an instant calming drug. Which it  is, I suppose, but wouldn't actually know about because I never could figure out that whole swallowing air thing. Really, smoking is much more complicated than what I am capable of.

Before going out to the bars I would pop some allergy meds and enjoy the rest of my evening dancing the night away. The next morning I would wake up sounding like the biggest bar hag you've ever come across. My throat would feel like it had been cut into a million pieces. It's kind of weird, really, but it's me.

And so, when I ventured outside today I thought (1) …

Toddlers and Tantrums: One Time Out at a Time

I can barely speak in coherent sentences today because Big V left me alone to deal with the toddler. As in he went to the ball field to play softball.

All. Day. Long.

Saturday AND Sunday.

From 8am until 6pm.

Both days.

Absolutely I'm bitter. Like you have to ask?

The kid is going to be two on Friday but I wasn't going to say anything because things happen when kids turn two. But someone must have told him because he quickly put two and two together and came up with terrible two's which he has ramped into overdrive.

I put that kid in a time out roughly 587 times this weekend.

I tried to be all Super Nanny consistent about it, silently cussing Big V's life and soul while attempting to appear nonchalant and aloof that my not quite two year old was screaming hysterically, kicking his feet and pounding his fists on the wall while perched on a time out stool. (And I put that blasted timer on 2 minutes, people, each and every time.)

And then....

Dotter was laying on the cou…