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My apologies to all my Cleveland readers. I'm sure it's a beautiful vacation destination.

You know how you're getting ready to go on vacation and everyone is telling you how much you're just going to absolutely love it? And that oh my god it's so beautiful in the mountains and I'm so jealous because I have always wanted to go skiing and then you go and you realize it's just freaking cold out and your nose was dripping snot for four days straight and you can't feel your fingers and suddenly you realize that no matter how much everyone else thinks a ski vacation in the mountains is perfect for you it's really not? And next year you vow to go someplace warm?

And so then you tell everyone you're going someplace warm. And you meet someone and they're all I love warm! I want to go someplace warm! And you're all yeah! Let's go someplace warm together! And you get all excited about the warm but when you get there all you see is endless beach with 18 bazillion grains of sand that will surely be touching your feet and you hate sand. And then you spend four days sitting on a beach towel and your back hurts and your eyelids are sun crisped and pussy because you forgot to put sunscreen on them and you're dropping sand every time you pee and your friend is all what is your deal? You said you wanted to go someplace warm. This is warm! You're never happy.

And so you start thinking that maybe it is you and you're just a miserable person who is incapable of appreciating the warm. Because warm is better than the frozen snot of a mountain side so why are you complaining? But then you think that this is America and by God you don't have to like sand if you don't want to, so you finally find your nads and declare: I do like warm. But I don't like sand!

And you think you made tons of progress... except next year you find yourself in Cleveland for vacation and you're all disappointed once again but your friend is all seriously? It's 80-degrees out! Nothing makes you happy!

And then you feel all suckishly failurish.

Well, here's the thing: You are not a suckish failure. You just don't know what you actually want.

And since we've been brought up in a world where there are manners and courtesies we've learned you're not supposed to be all demanding and picky.

But hear me out for a second...... what if you took the time to stop and really think about what you wanted out of a vacation? Maybe you'd come up with a list:

1) Must be warm... but not too warm. Blue jeans and t-shirt weather.
2) Landscape... mountains, or fields or ocean shores... a nice combination of all these.
3) I picture myself eating outside. Or sharing drinks outdoors with friends.
4) Small stores and local shops to nose around in and discover.
5) Not too busy. Quiet. Not a lot of noise.

Maybe if you were honest about what you were really looking for, you would have realized Vermont in the early fall could have given you all that. But instead, you just said you wanted warm. Well, you got warm, but you didn't enjoy warm, did you?

My point is -- if you only want warm, don't get mad when you only get warm.

Relationships not working out for you? Let me guess... you want a nice girl/guy. Someone fun. Someone who loves you as much as you love them.

Then don't get mad when that fun girl/guy who loves you more than the world itself also doesn't care to work. Or doesn't think a retirement fund is that big of deal.Or doesn't remember your birthday (because the truth is it's really not that important to them).

Know what you want out of a relationship before you go looking for someone to fill the position. That way, when you do meet someone you'll be able to tell pretty darn quick whether or not they're worth a second interview and you won't waste your time on someone who isn't qualified for the job.

Trust me, it'll make vacations a lot more enjoyable together.

PS: It works with more than just romantic relationships. Try defining your ideal working situation. Or picture the perfect living arrangements and setting for your home - now define it. Are you where you're supposed to be? Or is it time to make some changes? 


Johi said…
I am superb at complete metal imagery and super specific wish lists. And I learned that I usually get exactly what I asked for... the hard way, which is why I am now even more specific. It is like in Eat, Pray, Love when Richard (I think that was his name) asked God to "open his heart" and by golly, he got what he asked for and needed open heart surgery. I don't know where I am going with this but I wanted to say that COLORADO seems like the place for you. Yessssss.
HeatherB said…
So when I first starting reading this I was all "Yes, she is coming to FL to visit" and then I was all "well, maybe not".

It's really warm here, but also really sandy.

Great post.
Becca said…
Interesting exercise. We've finally been updating some of our hand-me-down things (namely the back porch, where we love to spend time but don't because there's nowhere nice to sit) and it is so satisfying to see the mental picture come to life. Now to do the same for my career.
Elle said…
Just because you mentioned Cleveland, I've now had this song in my head. I giggle randomly. It's worth looking least it's not Detroit. Thanks for that.

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