Friday, July 22, 2011

Personalize my Sharpie? Don't mind if I do!

I am amazed beyond belief.

And that doesn't happen often.

Except for that one time when I discovered the art of dipping Ranch Doritos in ranch dip. Blew. me. away.  This is like that, only with way less finger licking and much better breath.

See, I discovered that Sharpie will allow you to personalize your pens. Oh, yes. That means I can have a thousand Sharpies with my name on them! Which was never possible when I was a child, because my name can be spelled four thousand ways, none of which was ever stamped on a ruler, pencil or a bookmark.

But I digress.

Back to the personalizing of Sharpies.

Anyone who knows me knows I love me my Sharpies. I take special care in purchasing calendars and planners with pages thick enough to support the Sharpie. (You can't be organized with bleed through's, you know?) I get kind of territorial over my Sharpies, too. Hands off if they aren't yours, got it?

So, imagine my excitement when I learned I can put whatever I want on a Sharpie!

It was literally like Christmas in July! Because it is July. Duh.

Since the American Cancer Society Relay For Life was coming up (it's tonight) and I've been busy fundraising for the Walworth County Cloggers, I thought I would be full of love and selfless giving and try out the personalization option on them. Because what if it looked like crap? I can't use an ugly Sharpie. It goes against my beliefs.

I placed my order on Tuesday, July 19th.

Less than two hours later I received an email confirming that my order had been shipped.

WHAT?! But I wanted them PERSONALIZED!!!! Why would I pay the standard shipping fee for something I could pick up at Staples on my way home?!

I couldn't believe they mucked up my order.  I was so upset I sent Sharpie an email. It went something like this:

"Umm... yeah. So, I just placed an order for personalized pens and ten seconds later got an email confirming they've been shipped. There is no way you could have personalized them they way I wanted. Basically I just had plain pens shipped to me. Not cool, Sharpie. Not cool at all."

Ever eat crow?

The next day... yes, the very next day ... I pulled in the driveway as the UPS man was leaving. Guess what he left me? SHARPIES!!

Better than diamonds, right?
 And they were beautiful!  I even looked back at my order to see if I accidently paid for an overnight order; I didn't. Sharpie is just that awesome!

When does anything ever happen that fast? And to your expectations? I've waited longer at the doctor's office.

I'm giddy. I'm excited. And I had to share. And I was not paid to write this post. Sharpie doesn't even know who I am. Well, except as the person filed under "Oh, Ye of Little Faith." Sorry I doubted you, Sharpie. Forgive me? 

Next up: MY name!
On every single color they have.

Have you been surprised by the outstanding service of any big, major companies lately? Has any of them surprised you by exceeding your expectations? Or am I the only one feeling like they just won the lottery?

Monday, July 18, 2011

Vegemite Cocktails for all the Kids!

This weekend I watched three kids who were at various stages of 1-year old for two hours straight. Without vodka.

And even though they were seriously the best kids on the entire planet, I now realize why God has never blessed me with multiples.

Because God does not give you anything you can't handle.

And when He looks at me He's all uh-uh, not for you. No, you can't handle this. You will barely be able to tolerate nasty, crusty socks left on the living room floor; twins or triplets would throw you over the edge and I have bigger plans for you. Plans that include an early retirement and a vacation home in Bora Bora, but let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we?

For 120 minutes I was able to view life through the eyes of a Mama Cat, scrambling to gather one kitten-child back to the middle of the living room floor where all the fun toys were, only to find that now another kitten-child had escaped the nest. Do cats have nests? And then I would go find that particular kitten-child and another would escape.

I spent the majority of the time in retrieval mode.

If you're a mother of twins or triplets or *gasp!* more than that, you deserve a medal. The kind of medal that comes with a full time nanny, housekeeper and a lifetime supply of your favorite booze.

Anyway, I kind of half-laughed / half-punched Big V in the jugular when he suggested I should open my own day care because hasn't he ever met me before? It's amazing these parents actually asked me to watch their kids in the first place. Which made me think they were either really, really desperate or really, really drunk.

I do have to say that out of the three kids, the one I wanted to get rid of was my own. The other two toddlers were so sweet they made my teeth ache. They were cuddly and full of snuggles and kisses... meanwhile Cletus is climbing up the back of the couch attempting to swing from the curtains while screaming, "MOO! MOO! MOO!" like a crazed mental patient.

The two sweeties and I are playing a captivating game of Where are your eyes? Where is your nose? and Cletus is running 87 miles per hour head first into the china cabinet. Over and over and over.

The cute kids are sitting side by side eating blueberries and giving each other kisses and Cletus is smushing the blueberries in between his fingers and laughing hysterically as the pulp oozes through his digits.

I am hereby announcing that all future Parent/Teacher Conferences shall be attended by Big V. Alone. While I'm off having a much needed spa day. In another city. Out of state.

In other news, I also tried Nutella for the first time in my life. Surprisingly, it tasted nothing like Vegemite. Which is a good thing. Unless you're into yeasty extracts. Then you probably wouldn't like it.

I also found this drink recipe for something called a Nutella Cocktail (except it's written in that crazy metric way of measuring so I'll just have to guess on the actual amounts and cross my fingers):
Nutella Cocktail
1 cup ice
½ cup milk
2 tablespoons Nutella
30-mls Frangelico
30-mls Baileys
30-mls Vanilla Vodka

Place all the ingredients into a blender and blend until thick and creamy.

Just try THAT with your tasty Vegemite.