Skip to main content

Vegemite Cocktails for all the Kids!

This weekend I watched three kids who were at various stages of 1-year old for two hours straight. Without vodka.

And even though they were seriously the best kids on the entire planet, I now realize why God has never blessed me with multiples.

Because God does not give you anything you can't handle.

And when He looks at me He's all uh-uh, not for you. No, you can't handle this. You will barely be able to tolerate nasty, crusty socks left on the living room floor; twins or triplets would throw you over the edge and I have bigger plans for you. Plans that include an early retirement and a vacation home in Bora Bora, but let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we?

For 120 minutes I was able to view life through the eyes of a Mama Cat, scrambling to gather one kitten-child back to the middle of the living room floor where all the fun toys were, only to find that now another kitten-child had escaped the nest. Do cats have nests? And then I would go find that particular kitten-child and another would escape.

I spent the majority of the time in retrieval mode.

If you're a mother of twins or triplets or *gasp!* more than that, you deserve a medal. The kind of medal that comes with a full time nanny, housekeeper and a lifetime supply of your favorite booze.

Anyway, I kind of half-laughed / half-punched Big V in the jugular when he suggested I should open my own day care because hasn't he ever met me before? It's amazing these parents actually asked me to watch their kids in the first place. Which made me think they were either really, really desperate or really, really drunk.

I do have to say that out of the three kids, the one I wanted to get rid of was my own. The other two toddlers were so sweet they made my teeth ache. They were cuddly and full of snuggles and kisses... meanwhile Cletus is climbing up the back of the couch attempting to swing from the curtains while screaming, "MOO! MOO! MOO!" like a crazed mental patient.

The two sweeties and I are playing a captivating game of Where are your eyes? Where is your nose? and Cletus is running 87 miles per hour head first into the china cabinet. Over and over and over.

The cute kids are sitting side by side eating blueberries and giving each other kisses and Cletus is smushing the blueberries in between his fingers and laughing hysterically as the pulp oozes through his digits.

I am hereby announcing that all future Parent/Teacher Conferences shall be attended by Big V. Alone. While I'm off having a much needed spa day. In another city. Out of state.

In other news, I also tried Nutella for the first time in my life. Surprisingly, it tasted nothing like Vegemite. Which is a good thing. Unless you're into yeasty extracts. Then you probably wouldn't like it.

I also found this drink recipe for something called a Nutella Cocktail (except it's written in that crazy metric way of measuring so I'll just have to guess on the actual amounts and cross my fingers):
 
Nutella Cocktail
1 cup ice
½ cup milk
2 tablespoons Nutella
30-mls Frangelico
30-mls Baileys
30-mls Vanilla Vodka

Place all the ingredients into a blender and blend until thick and creamy.


Just try THAT with your tasty Vegemite.

Comments

Johi said…
Brock once suggested that I open my own daycare. It provoked a similar reaction from me.

For the record, there are earwigs effing EVERYWHERE in my house and all I can think about is your earwig story. One was staring at my from his perch above my toilet this morning. I shuddered, then I killed it.
Anonymous said…
wait, have you ever tried vegemite? i'm kind of fascinated by it b/c it seems so gross. also you said "jugular" so i fainted while i was reading your post.
Muddy Road said…
I like the "momma cat" analogy. The chaos it evokes goes a way to explaining why cats sometimes flip out and eat their babies!

lunchatt1130: if you can get past the "industrial sludge/poo" appearance of yeast extracts, they can be amazing. Just remember that it's not peanut butter-- it's all about restraint. A tiny bit goes a long way. Buttered whole wheat toast with Marmite and a fresh tomato slice on top is absolutely transcendent, especially early on a hot summer morning. It's basically just glutamate so the goal is to add a savory flavor without really directly tasting the extract.

It also makes great vegetarian stock. 1 teaspoon in four cups of hot water and a dash of olive oil is an excellent soup base and it's really quick. I think Marmite's better than Vegemite, but the difference is negligible unless you're British or Australian.
Brenna said…
I told you it wasn't Vegemite, dammit.

I spent much of this past weekend at a 35-person camp-out on my parents' property chasing children as every few minutes my sister had to "just run out for ice." I must have lapped that yard 400 times. I feel you.
Getrealmommy said…
I have no dsire to watch other people's kids. Ever. There I said it.

Popular posts from this blog

The House that God Built

in·stan·ta·ne·ous /ˌinstənˈtānēəs/ adjective 1. occurring or done in an instant or instantly.
synonyms: immediate, instant, on-the-spot







The thing is, she died so sudden.
I didn't have the chance to plead with God, to make all the irrational promises. If he would just let her be okay.... I would start taking better care of my health. I would be nicer to the neighbor that drove me crazy. I would always let someone else go in front of me at Walmart no matter how long the line was. I wouldn't complain. Ever. I would volunteer at the Homeless Shelter. I would clean up after pigs. I would clip the toenails of the elderly. I would do anything and everything He would ask me to do....
There is a box on her death certificate that captures the amount of time between the initial injury and the time of death. It reads "seconds." I wish it read "instantaneous" because she deserves a clever word like that.
Fast forward five years.... definitely taking MUCH longer than "…

Seeing Avery All Grown Up

One day I'll tell you about the freezing cold we left and the heavy bags we lugged, full of supplies and medicines. I'll tell you about arriving in Port au Prince and walking across a cracked concrete parking lot to board an old school bus with a flat tire. How the heat was suffocating after months of below zero Wisconsin winter weather, how the people crowded and walked too close to moving traffic as we searched for a tire shop that was barely more than a couple men sitting on overturned 5-gallon buckets on the side of the road next to a pile of old tires, everything covered in dirt.

I'll tell you about waiting on the bus while they removed the tire and I'll recall the loud explosion that rocked the bus and scared the life out of me and how I was relieved to learn it was just the tire blowing after being filled too far. (They didn't have any gauges.) And then I'll tell you about the fear I felt when I realized we didn't have a tire and we were stuck on th…

When Your Imagined Life is Nothing Like This One

There were so many ways I imagined my adult life would be....THIS is not one of them.
I posted that on my Facebook wall last night. It might have been seen as funny except my choice of hashtags gave me away:
treading water getting nowhere piles of disappointment not many successes worn out and exhausted out of options

I always imagined my life would be thrilling. Full of exciting adventures and people from all over the world. I would dine at Ethiopian, Thai, and Indian restaurants. I would write books, teach English, coach forensics and direct the play. My husband would be charming and funny and not care about gender roles when it came to household chores. He would beg for at least six kids and I would fall in love with him all over again each time I caught him giving good life advice.
I would take photographs and travel the world documenting the people I came across. I would adopt a sibling group of three or maybe four and work on foster care policies because the ones we have aren't work…