Perhaps you should read that again. In fact, I insist you read that again.

I had intended to be back at a decent hour.  Except, you know how things go... later than usual. So, I sent a courtesy text to Big V letting him know what was up.

I arrived home to find him sitting in the comfy chair watching Rambo or Rocky or whatever movie that was.

He finally acknowledged my presence at the commercial (as if he was going to miss some key component to a movie he's seen 487 times before): So, where did you go to get tampons this late?

What?

You sent me a text saying you were stopping off to get tampons...

No, I sent you a text that said I was stopping off to get homemade tamales.

Oh.

.... Just curious, but what exactly did you think a 'homemade tampon' was?

I don't know... like maybe you needed someone to make them wider or something.

Just stop talking.