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Showing posts from July 10, 2011

Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite (or move in)

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of movement and looked over towards my left. There he was. Crawling up the wall. Mere inches from where I sat. 
We have a bug problem in our office. Every couple of days you'll see a spider or beetle or ant or earwig or other random creepy, crawly things traversing about.
It totally gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Mostly because it reminds me of:
Once, in the middle of the night, I got up to go pee, and you know how you're not really awake and your eyes are half closed but you still know where you're going because you've walked this same path a million times so you could totally get to the toilet it in the dark? Well, it was like that.
Half asleep, shuffling to the bowl, I sat down and did my business.
And then I wiped.
Just like a thousand other times.
I grabbed the toilet paper from the roll beside me, balled it up and wiped.
Except something most definitely did not feel right.
I didn't know what it was exactly, but I was pre…

It's time to get your pen and your pencil!

I now have proof that I did not "make up" the whole Bill Cosby Picture Page thing. Picture Page is a for real fact, people:


I kind of feel like justice is served and my life's mission is complete.
Thank you, YouTube, for helping me prove Picture Page's existence. Now, if you only had video documenting which one of my siblings really started the epic food fight of 1985, I could finally establish without a doubt that it was not me.

Billy Bob Thornton and the Amazing Scape Goose

We were at work for a lot of hours without any computers to do any work on and when there's no computers I start thinking about what else I could be doing around the office that might not require a computer.

The first thing I did was wipe down the wall next to my desk where I accidentally splashed half my latte once when I was dramatically and enthusiastically making a point. The point was don't slam your cup down or the contents will splash everywhere and nine weeks later you'll have to wash the wall when the computers go down. Let's just say I made my point.

And then I started to file. But that pretty much bit the big one so I decided to change the goose's outfit instead.

See, one day the Co-Worker decided we needed an office mascot so he brought in a goose that some lady pushed on him when he was at her house during an inspection. (Don't worry; it wasn't alive.) You might think that people try to hand us money so they can make sure they pass building ins…

Reason #817 Why YOU Need a Sister with a Good Sense of Humor

Reason #817: Colorful Text Messages
I got this picture text from my sister a while ago and just thought I would share:

"I would be so good at swear word Scrabble."

Sorry for the vulgarity of this post, Mom. You know, she was always the naughty one.

Three Long Days

These are Big V's dirty socks.
He comes in from a long, hard day of sweating in his feet and rips them off.
At the door.
And then they sit there.
Until I pick them up.
But I haven't picked them up.
For three days I have not picked them up.
And for three days he has walked past them.
Over them.
Around them.
And yet I have not picked them up.
For three very long days...