Skip to main content


Showing posts from May 22, 2011

Lessons in Extreme Couponing Failure

Hey. Wanna know what this is?

This is a nice note left on my computer.
My work computer.
The one that's not my personal computer.
The one that I shouldn't be messing around on.
Want to know who it's from?
The guy in the IT Department.
Want to know what he's all done with?
Getting rid of the child porn viruses that I got from trying to find a freaking Skippy Peanut Butter coupon.

Let me explain:

No, I didn't google child porn. That's sick. Besides, if I'm going to look up porn it's going to be fat people porn because that way I can watch and feel good about my body. But like I said, I didn't google child porn.
I googled 'skippy peanut butter coupon'. Pretty dang clear if you ask me.
See, normally I don't bother with coupons but lately there's been all these extreme couponing shows on TV. You know, the ones where some lady gets $2,000 worth of groceries of $6.78. Not that I personally need 87 bottles of hot sauce and 32 years worth of Maa…

Lesson for the day: It pays to take your car to a professional.

Here is a story about the time I had a flat tire.

Which was actually only two days ago.

I packed three kids in the car, got as far as the end of the block, and realized something wasn't right.

Which is to say my tire was flat and I probably shouldn't drive on it so instead I drove three miles per hour home and silently sobbed in my head because how was I going to function without a car? Then I called my mom, who stopped playing Scrabble with my elderly grandmother in order to come to our rescue and take the Bean to work. (Yes, shehas work!)

And then I sent a picture text to Big V that read "Flat Tire Fail."

Being the Knight in Shining Armor that he is, he called and said something like I'm not going to be home for another hour or two and then I have to play softball and I need to get there early to practice batting so I'm not sure what you want me to do about it.

And I said in my most calmest voice ever oh, I don't need you to do anything about it. I …

Given the right circumstances, I might just drop kick an old woman.

I had just sat down in my comfy chair with a large bowl of steaming chili (those of you who know me know I like to have my food extra-piping hot, at scalding level) when I spied movement from outside the window.

Mary. The dog walker. Was back.

Risking the flesh on my thighs, I quickly tossed my bowl on the end table, leaped across the living room furniture and frantically grabbed my camera.

What is with this woman's fascination with our yard? I get that it's the least manicured lot on the block but our house hardly looks vacant. Plus, I've told her before to keep off our yard. To her face. So she knows we live there. Unless she suffers from memory loss.

I ran to the front of the house and down the front steps, ignoring the fact it was noon and I was still sporting my baby blue pajama pants that had glow-in-the-dark kittens printed on them.

I don't know if you can tell how into our yard she actually is. I should really take a photo from the side. In this photo I'm …