Why Some Mothers Eat Their Young.

The Bean is my unbelievably gorgeous 15-year old daughter. The one who spends hours making sure every hair is in place, her outfit is the epitome of perfection, and her make-up looks flawless. She's my oldest. The one who championed me with the title 'Mother.'

During the week she wakes up before me and is out the door for school before my alarm even goes off. So I send her a text message. Every. Single. Morning.

Really? Seriously? THIS IS GROSS!!

Honestly, this is disgusting. Don't let it happen again.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?????

OH MY GOD!

Seriously???

Do you honestly think this is okay?

As God is my witness I am going to smack you into next week

if I see this one more time.

ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE???

I know you're doing this on purpose.

And you know what?

I'm taking away your toothbrush.

And the toothpaste.

Let your teeth rot.

I could care less.

AT LEAST I WON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS

NASTINESS EVERY SINGLE BLASTED MORNING!

I don't want to go to prison for killing my daughter because

she couldn't figure out how to wipe the damn wad of toothpaste from the sink...

but I can get a VERY skilled attorney if I have to.

Amongst Eastern grey squirrels, stressed females may kill their young.

You are so damned lucky we're not squirrels!