Friday, May 6, 2011

Why Some Mothers Eat Their Young.

The Bean is my unbelievably gorgeous 15-year old daughter. The one who spends hours making sure every hair is in place, her outfit is the epitome of perfection, and her make-up looks flawless. She's my oldest. The one who championed me with the title 'Mother.'

During the week she wakes up before me and is out the door for school before my alarm even goes off. So I send her a text message. Every. Single. Morning.



Really? Seriously? THIS IS GROSS!!


Honestly, this is disgusting. Don't let it happen again.


WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?????


OH MY GOD!
Seriously???
Do you honestly think this is okay?
As God is my witness I am going to smack you into next week
if I see this one more time.


ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE???


I know you're doing this on purpose.
And you know what?
I'm taking away your toothbrush.
And the toothpaste.
Let your teeth rot.
I could care less.
AT LEAST I WON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS
NASTINESS EVERY SINGLE BLASTED MORNING!


I don't want to go to prison for killing my daughter because
she couldn't figure out how to wipe the damn wad of toothpaste from the sink...
but I can get a VERY skilled attorney if I have to.

Amongst Eastern grey squirrels, stressed females may kill their young.
You are so damned lucky we're not squirrels!

7 comments:

Becca said...

That might be grosser than James's habit of blowing out the back of his diaper in my bed three mornings a week.

Ellen said...

Wow...what a coincidence! Tonight while my 15 year old son was helping dry the dishes I brought up the sink issue and how icky it was when I clean. I told him that I have to take my bare nails and scratch off the crud he brushes from his teeth and how if he would just rinse the sink after he brushes it would be so easy. I also mentioned that it would be quite easy to clean the hair from the shower as well. You pick it up from the drain and plop it in the toliet or the garbage. So easy!

How odd that 15 year old's just don't see it!?

Johi said...

When my boys get to be that age I am going to make them live in the barn. :) It's all part of the master plan...

Mimi said...

Awe, crap.

I was hoping it would get better when the boys got older.

Oh well, they do move out one day... don't they?

HeatherB said...

Happy Mother's Day to you. I hope you get the gift of a clean sink and this has all just been leading up to her cleaning it one morning so that you would truly appreciate it!

Tina, said...

My son stopped peeing all over the floor and toilet when I started making him scrub the bathroom himself. He couldn't believe how nasty it was!

Brenna said...

Maybe if she woke up at 2:45 to shower she'd have more time in the morning after doing her hair to get this nastiness out of the sink.