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I'm going to take out a second mortgage to support our neighborhood bird seed habit.

I have a friend on Facebook who is always posting these pictures of beautiful flowers and her beautiful gardens and her posts make it seem so easy. (Yes, Stephanie, I'm talking about you.) When I look at her photos I think (1) I want that. And (2) I can do that!

Except me and flowers have an understanding: until such time as I can afford a competent landscaper I am not allowed to plant them, which only results in torturing them. And yet I desperately want my yard to be one of "those yards." The kind of yeard where people stop by and admire and say things like: I bet the people who live here are English. The English have always been known for their gardens. And their basement windows.

I figured I should start small. And seeds are small so that's as good a place as any to start. Just put them in the dirt, right? But then I remembered all the watering and that just scared me. Too much, too little, not the right time of the day - so much can go wrong....

And then I remembered that seeds can also be eaten... like, by birds... and BINGO! And we're starting on our yard! (I figure if any seeds make it into the ground to actual growth status I'll just call it my garden.)
I asked Big V to plant the bird feeder right in front of the patio doors so we could see if this worked. And also because I still kind of laugh every time a bird flies into a window. Unless it gets injured. Then it's just sad. And also, if it's a wild turkey trying to attack its reflection in my window then that would just scare me to death. There is nothing funny about a bird on a rampage. Trust me.

Then Dotter and I went to the store to pick up bird seed.

Did you know there are roughly 387 different kinds of bird seed? Me either.

So I just grabbed a bag.

And the nice lady at the checkout said it was $28.67.

And I wanted to toss it back and get the truck-stop/diner version but there were too many people behind me in line so I just sucked it up and took my overpriced bag of seed home with me.

And, at about 7:42pm on Sunday evening I filled up the cute hanging bird feeder.

And, at about 6:48am Monday morning it was completely empty.

So I filled it up again.

Only to have it completely emptied by the time I returned home from work at 6pm.

So, I filled the sucker up Monday night and, you guessed it - gone by morning.

Filled it up Tuesday morning .... empty Tuesday when I got home from work.

What the hell, birds? (Apparently only teenage birds dine at our feeder.)

Like a sucker I filled it one more time, also noting the nearly $30 bag of bird seed was just about empty.

And then I stood staring out the window waiting for the flock of birds or locusts or whatever was mowing through my seed.

And I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And then hopped into view a little bunny. He, or she, (I couldn't tell the difference from where I was standing) hopped right under the bird feeder and started nibbling happily on the grass.

V! I said. Look! We have a bunny!

"That's probably what ate all the bird seed."

What? A rabbit? Rabbits can't fly up there to eat the seed.

"Well... maybe he just stood at the bottom and shook it real hard..."

(1) I don't think so.
(2) I'm really hoping he was being more funny than serious.
(3) I can't actually tell the difference between a boy bunny and a girl bunny no matter how close I got.
(4) I don't ever want to be actually able to tell the difference between boy bunnies and girl bunnies.

That is all.


Tina, said…
Yep, that's how they get want birds and flowers and what they don't tell you is the birds, large black crow like nasty birds come in large flocks resembling a plague of locust when you aren't home.

If you have trees the Squirrels come and sit on top of your feeder and bounce all the seed to the ground and then they come in plague proportions and eat the seed, leaving small portions for bunnies (girls or boys).

And if your neighbor behind you neglects to mow their lawn for, say, the entire summer months (in Texas) then the squirrels are replaced by the rats and they can climb dam near anything and eat your seed.

Our dogs are still afraid to use the back yard as a potty anymore. I haven't feed the birds in 6 years.
Becca said…
I'm not planting a garden this year because I have enough things to take care of. Same goes for birds. We've had a tadpole on our kitchen table for three months and I swear that thing better grow legs soon or the magical biology experiment is OVER.
HeatherB said…
I have learned, very recently - like in the last week or so - that (according to a pamphlet entitled "Living in Bear Country") bears will actually empty your bird feeder in a single "sitting". Could be a bear.
Johi said…
I'm with Becca, except I love flowers so I am going to ignore my family so that the flowers can have all my attention this summer.

I hear you on the turkey attacking its reflection. I should tell the story about walking into my garage once and having an eerie feeling that I was being watched. I was. There was a turkey. Inside my garage. Watching me. Yes.
Phoenix Rising said…
DEAR LORD!! I'm more afreaid now than I have ever been! That's it. I'm never going outside again.
Johi said…
I had to come back here and tell you that my husband and I just watched a story on the local news about a turkey flying through some ladies window and into her home. WTF is going on with the crazy fucking turkeys???
Thanksgiving was MONTHS ago, they can't still be angry about that!

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