Monday, May 9, 2011

Because Sleeping Naked Isn't Nearly As Much Fun If Nobody Sees You.

From the 15-year old Bean last night:
"Mom, can you tell Big V that he shouldn't sleep naked anymore? Because the other night I was texting and my phone was running out of battery but I set the alarm so I could wake up at three in the morning because I like to get up and shower with enough time for my hair to dry so I can do it at six when I have to get ready for school and since I was going to take a shower anyway I thought I would just use your charger in your bedroom and just get my phone when I was done showering because I do that sometimes and then I opened the door and the light from the hallway showed me that Big V wasn't covered up with a sheet or blanket and I saw everything - and I mean ev-er-y-thing - and then I had to sneak in your room by walking with my back to the bed to get to your side where the phone charger was and that wasn't as easy as you would think but I couldn't just walk around like hey, I don't care that your junk is hanging out."

My immediate thoughts:
(1) Oh. Dear. God.

(2) Why don't you get your own phone charger since you're the one who lost yours in the first place and that way you don't have to use mine at strange hours of the night?

(3) What do you mean "because sometimes you do this?" You've actually walked around our bedroom at three in the morning before? Because I'm really not okay with that. Especially since I pretty much convinced myself that I would hear an intruder upon their initial breach across our property line and to know I've been sleeping through your nightly visits in my room is pretty creepy. I watch Criminal Minds, you know.

(4) Why the hell isn't Big V hearing you sneak around?! He had me convinced he would single-handedly take down any intruder that dare to enter our home uninvited. He should be drop kicking your ass before you step through the doorway.

(5) Have you ever considered taking a shower at a normal hour? Say, eight o'clock at night? And then your hair would have plenty of time to dry AND you wouldn't be exhibiting signs of a sociopath. Just something to consider.

(6) You saw his junk all splayed out? This is so embarrassing! And yet not as embarrassing as the time you walked in on us having relations because you heard sounds that made you think he was choking me and you were attempting to save my life.


Johi said...

That's it. I'm locking my door when my kids are old enough to use cell phones.

Becca said...

#6! OMG! Do you mean to tell me you can't use a babygate to keep them out when they're teenagers?

Mrs. Tuna said...

That twisty thing on the handle is called a lock, don't be afraid to use it. Just thinking......


How can she even tell you these things?! I would have been mortified into silence for the rest of my life.

Getrealmommy said...

oye vey.

Tina, said...

LOL that is too funny!