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What might happen?

My imagination has been working overtime recently. I attribute this to the large amounts of hormones overtaking my normally calm, zen-like personality. Yeah, that was sarcasm. For those of you that know me (mainly my sister, who right now is running to the bathroom before she wets herself while yelling, "Zen-like?! As if!!") you probably know that I'm a little more, uh, high-strung when it comes to safety.

I have been known to caution my children with such advice as:

"Don't ever go out of the house without me - because a stranger could take you, throw you in the trunk of their car and kill you - then you'll die!"

"Don't ever touch a dead bird - they have really bad germs and you could get them and then you'll die!"

"Don't ever go swimming without an adult present - because you could get caught in a current and drown and then you'll die!"

(My sister, the child psychologist, seems to think these cautionary statements is what has caused the Bean to be scared shitless of life in general. What does she know? Masters Degrees are so overrated....)

But the onslaught of hormones has made my fears jump to an all-time high. I worry that bad men are lurking about the perimeter of our home, which has led to a task for Big V: Install lighting around the entire home. I worry that the guy in the parking lot sitting in his car is planning an attack, so I walk with Big V to return the cart - no way I'm left alone in the car like a sitting duck. I worry about strange bacteria working it's way into our systems so I've thrown out anything and everything in our house that has passed its expiration date: Mayonaise, aspirin, sour cream, cold medicine, coupons...

Dotter is in a cheerleading camp for the next 5 weeks, what if she falls and breaks her neck and becomes paralyzed? I've seriously considered taking her out of the camp. It's just not worth it.

Jelly Bean is taking some acedemic classes at the local public highschool - do they have security? What if some crazy kid comes in with a sawed-off shotgun? Maybe she should just wait until the regular school year to start earning credits....

I need to get a handle on these fears soon, before we're all left sitting in the living room staring at each other because I'm too afraid to let anyone actually do anything. Two more months of pregnancy hormones... will we make it?


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