Thursday, July 16, 2009

Crash Test Dummy

I take a slow country road into work each day. This is a long, straight, seriously should be 55 mph but only allows you to go as fast as 35 mph kind of road. It's very important to not exceed 35 mph. I know this because I've gotten a speeding ticket along this road. Twice. But that's not the point. The point is when traveling at a speed that ridiculously slow on a long, straight country road, you have a lot of time to take in the view.

Today's view included a minivan approaching in the opposite direction. They were also going slow, which may or may not be indicitive of any speeding tickets they may have received along this particular roadway.

The view also included the farm to my right.... which happened to have a red farm truck bouncing its way up the driveway and directly out into the road.

According to my super quick calculations said farm truck would meet said minivan at the exact same time said minivan was passing the driveway, and from the way said farm truck was moving, it didn't really care about said minivan, or anyone else on the road, like me. So I stopped. And waited. And told myself to pay attention so I could make an effective witness.

Just as I envisioned minivan got closer and Farm Truck Guy continued out the driveway, into minivan's lane, causing minivan to turn sharply to the shoulder and off into the steep country ditch, narrowly missing a mailbox in its path. You never really appreciate the steepness of country ditches until there's a vehicle hanging precariously into it.

Farm Truck Guy turned out to be a kind soul, or maybe was just being nosey, because he stopped opposite me and my parked car, probably wondering what I was doing there. I calmly rolled down my window.

Farm Truck Guy was actually Extremely Old Farm Truck Guy whose mouth was missing all teeth except one unnaturally big and long tooth on the side of his mouth. I thought I heard the Deliverance banjo music playing.... yet I braved myself and politely said, "Good Morning, Sir. Did you happen to see the minivan you cut off and caused to go into the ditch?"

"What?!" Extremely Old Farm Truck Guy spat at me.

"Did you happen to see the minivan you cut off and caused to go into the ditch?" I asked again (thoroughly impressed that I could sound so polite and so cheery in spite of my personal feelings on the situation).

"I DIDN'T PUT NO VAN IN THE DITCH!" he hollered in his old, haggard, I've-been-smoking-since-I-was-eight-don't-mess-with-me-you-prissy-bitch voice. "GO TO HELL!"

And off he drove.

Well. I guess that was that.

1 comment:

rachael said...

LOVE. IT. LOVE it! Seriously. Love it.