Tuesday, July 14, 2009

From One to the Other

On a good note, Dotter's latest test results came back looking normal. No blood or proteins in the urine. Not a drop out of line. Yeah for good test results.

On the flip side, what the heck? Are we ever going to find out what's going on in that little body of hers? Or is she just to be labeled the sickly one?

Today she skipped off to school with her backpack strapped to her back, conveniently filled with a pair of sneakers, fresh pair of socks, a box of crayons and a sketchbook. On our way to school I asked her about lunch - whether they could sit anywhere or if they had assigned tables by grade. She told me they have assigned seats. She doesn't know who she sits by so it's like she sits by herself.

My heart tore in pieces. My precious, sweet, kind hearted daughter sits alone as she eats? I wanted to cry. The ironic part was she didn't think there was anything wrong with it at all. "Don't you talk to them?" I asked. She looked at me like I was missing an obvious, yet innocent point, "Why would I talk to them, Mom? I don't even know them."

My two lovely daughters, as opposite as opposite can be. Dotter sees no shame in eating quietly, enjoying her food, relaxing before the next class... The Bean wouldn't dare enter the cafeteria without friends at her side. She'd choose to go without eating than go into the cafeteria to look for where her friends are sitting.

Dotter has decided to join cheerleading. She's awkward and gangly in movements. She definately doesn't look the cheerleader part - but she loves it. Even being the worst in class she loves every single second of it. She comes home to practice - and practices seriously every single night. Unless the Bean is the absolute best in the class she won't continue. She'll quit if someone does better than her because the shame and embarrassment of being a "less than" can't be tolerated. Where Dotter continues to plow forward, the Bean will quit and give up if someone passes her by.

I love them both and wish they could only feel happiness and acceptance and huge heapings of self-worth for all the days of their lives.

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