Tweet Satan (the dog) took a giant dump center stage in the sunroom. Couldn't miss it. Open the door, there it was. The odor nearly knocked me out. And yet there she sat, proud as can be on the other side of the dumpage as if to show me, "Look what I have for YOU!"
I sent a text to V:
"Your dog took a shit big time on the floor. Going to my mom's until it's cleaned."
I know it sounds mean... but I knew what happened... and it was confirmed hours later upon my return... see, the Big V plays ball... any and every kind of ball. Right now he's busy with three leagues of softball (and playing with golf balls on Tuesdays). Anyway, it's very important to get to the fields early, you see, so one can warm up, watch the competition, relive glory days and brag about how awesome your current team is and how you're going to dominate the league. One needs to arrive at least an hour and a half before game time - if you're serious about ball, that is. So, V was in a hurry... and, as he explained, he just didn't have time to let the dog out. Priorities, you know.
(Oh, yes, I was very glad I left it for him...)