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Some things are better left unsaid.

V and I had yet another baby appointment yesterday. It was scheduled for 3:45 and I think we waiting about an hour. Lovely time, this waiting.

We had a loud-talker who insisted on conversing with her friend via her cell phone. We were all suddenly invited into her world where Shaina is going to get her ass kicked the second she gets out of jail, 'cuz she don't play that! Also, we're now very concerned because no one knows where Katie is - she might be in jail, too, but her brother isn't saying nothing.

Then came two teen-looking girls, each pushing a stroller containing a toddler along with two very active boys running circles around them. While Teen-Looking Mom #1 pushed her stroller up and down the hallways, Teen-Looking Mom #2 had her blood drawn. This left the second baby stroller (with the toddler still in it) pushed next to the water fountain with the poor child staring at the wall. While toddler was nervous and whimpered quite a bit, there never was a full out wail. The boys - about 4 & 5 years old - jumped from seat to seat... literally JUMPED from seat to seat, like they were frogs manuevering their way through lily pad world. When they were bored with that they went to the check-in counter and pulled out all the tissues one at a time from each tissue box. (There were three.) One punched the other one in the melon causing him to scream, "Knock it off or I'll kill you!" The receptionist looked frightened and afraid and decided not to actually make eye contact with the kids, much less tell them to sit down and be quiet; that this was not the way to behave in a waiting room.

Finally teen mom came back, oblivious to the fact that her boys were hanging from the suspended television in the corner of the room and that her little girl who had been held hostage in the stroller was already mentally preparing what to tell her therapist when she was old enough to pay for one. Teen-looking Mom #1 came back from hiding in the hallway with her baby and announced, "I hate going places with you 'cause you can't control your kids."

I glanced over at V and could tell he was busy pleading with God to please, please, pretty please don't give us a child like any of those....

The appointment took us to after closing time, so V and I walked out into a darkened waiting room and creepy dimly lit hall. A technician met up with us at the elevator and calmly asked when I was due. "Two more months," I answered proudly. After all, I am a warrior princess - this is a piece of cake! (Secretly I was a mess. I had come to this appointment planning on the doctor announcing there had been a mix-up on the due date and I was actually due today so let's induce immediately! She didn't do that. Not at all. In fact, she didn't even come close.)

"Oh." replied the tech cheerily. "So you're having twins!" Why does everybody say this?!

"Uh, no... just one."

"Really?" Why is she sounding so doubtful and looking at me like I'm a big liar?

"Yep. Just one."

"How many ultrasounds have you had?"

"Just the one... well, two - but the first one didn't really count because it was, like, still a yolk... but then the one at 20 weeks and it just showed just the one."


[crickets chirping]

"Does that happen often?"


"That people have twins after being told there's only one? .... Because I actually googled 'surprise twin births' but the results really focused on people that were initially told there was only one, but then later on at the 20 week ultrasound they were surprised to find there was two... "

"Well, yeah, it does happen sometimes."

"Like that, right - not like you're pushing out the baby and ready to relax and the doc's like, 'Woah! Hold on here - what the heck is this? Another one?!' "

"No. It happens like that too. It's not common, but I've actually been there when it has... [noting my blood rapidly draining from my face] ... but not here at this particular hospital."

V did cartwheels and handsprings to the car while yelling out such things like, "How cool would that be?!" and "Can you imagine? That'd be AWESOME!" He said other stuff, too, but I couldn't make it out while I was crawling across the parking lot trying not to have a panic attack.


rachael said…
No. Let it be known far and wide that I said NO. I'll punch V in the neck if he does cartwheels again at the thought of having surprise twins. But don't worry - it won't happen. I can almost promise.
Phoenix Rising said…
Thank you, Rachael! I know I can count on you to bring my panic levels down and to stop V in his tracks!

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