Skip to main content


Showing posts from March 13, 2011

Nothing Says "I Love You" More Than A Good Old-Fashioned Esophagus Burning.

We went out to dinner as a family the other night because sometimes the public needs to be shaken up a bit, you know?

Anyway. You know that lull of time between appetizers and actually receiving the food you really came to eat where most families talk about their day and chit chat about current events which we don't actually do because we live in Wisconsin and current events in Wisconsin completely sucks right now and you never know who is going to go all Facebook Wall Rage Ranting on you for stating your own opinion or when you'll come across some guy you've never met before who says things like "hopefully that [working two full time jobs] prevents you from getting pregnant when we cut birth control options from our insurance plans!" and I'm all like there's birth control? BecauseI've already been knocked up - three times!

You get my point. People are getting mean in this neck of the woods. Actually they've been mean for awhile now, but I don&#…

Your Dog Crapping 8 Inches From The Side Of My House Is Not Okay. Really.

Remember my dear, sweet neighbor, Mary? Mary with the dog? Which is apparently old and blind and can't see where it's going but somehow manages to find itself two feet from our dining room window taking a doggie dump in our lawn even though Mary is standing right there holding on to the leash?

Hey, Mary. Um... I see that your dog is taking a dump. In our yard. Again. Next to the window well that's adjacent to the foundation of our house.

[yelling in crabby old lady form] He's BLIND!

Uh... okay. But. Um. Well, you're holding on to the leash. In your hand. And it kind of seems like you walk him right up our driveway and into our yard to do his business. Because I've watched you do it. A lot. Which, is, uh, kind of annoying.

[yelling in crabby old lady form] He's OLD!

Uh... okay. But. Um.... well, we really don't like all the dog crap in the front yard. It's kind of gross. And, well, it's kind of creepy to look out the window and see your head hoveri…

Don't I Deserve an Alicia, Too?

Hey, V, if I die you can have Alicia, okay?


If I die, you can have Alicia. She'd make an excellent mother to the children. She's sweet and compassionate and she'd read to them and take them on fun outings and also pack a homemade, organic lunch for them to bring to school. She'd be their number one cheerleader and talk to them and make them feel good about themselves and also she'd do whatever she could to keep my spirit alive and say things like, "your mother would be so proud of you" as she's brushing their hair or putting on their shoes. She's a way better mother than I will ever be, so you can have her if I die.

Oh. Okay.

[turns to exit room]

Wait! Where are you going?

To watch the sports update on TV.

But what about me?

What about you?

I just gave you Alicia - what about me?

I don't think you'll mind; you'll be dead. Besides, you gave her to me, why would you care?

No. I mean, who do I get if you die?


Who do I get if you di…

Johnny Marzetti takes the cake!

Impressing Big V with a decent dinner is pretty easy. He grew up on take out and fast food and is visibly impressed every time I actually produce something edible straight from the oven.

This weekend I told Big V I was going to make a pasta dish calledJohnny Marzetti from a recipe I received from a co-worker and that it was kind of like a goulash. He shrugged his shoulders and went about his day.

When it was ready he happily consumed plate full after plate full, making me promise to serve it again. "I didn't know goulash could taste this good!" He gushed. "My mom used to make goulash - but she just made it with noodles and ketchup!"

Trust me when I say this is way better than noodles and ketchup.

Johnny Marzetti
2 tablespoons butter or margarine
2 large onions, sliced
1/2 pound mushrooms, sliced
1/2 cup diced celery
1/2 cup diced green pepper
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 pound ground beef
1 can (15 oz) tomato sauce
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground pep…