Monday, March 28, 2011

Someone wants me to Pay It Forward but all I want to do is sleep.

I would have posted sooner but I was doing this thing called vacationing. And by vacationing, I meanthe 9-year old and I spent 3 hours alone in the car driving to a crappy hotel in Normal, Illinois. And by crappy, I mean our hotel window didn't even shut all the way and I was too scared to ask for another room because be careful what you wish for and so we just cranked the heat up to 78 and it seemed to be okay. Also, for about an hour of the drive the 9-year old was bleating. Like a sheep. Like a whole herd of never tiring bleating sheep.

And I tried really hard not to lose my cool because she's the only one of my kids that actually gets upset if I get angry and she really does take things personally so I tried really hard to be one of those cool, calm and collected mothers.

"Wow. You really are very good at sounding like a sheep. Are there any other animals you know how to do?"

BAAAA!!!

"Huh. Mommy's getting kind of a head ache. I guess she doesn't like that many loud sheep noises."

BAAAA!!!

"Okay. That's enough now. I don't want you to hurt your throat."

BAAAA!!!

"FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS! STOP MAKING THAT STUPID SOUND BEFORE I STUFF A SOCK DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

Yep. It was a fun drive.

In other news, I got an AWARD! No, not for my superb mothering skills, but rather for my blogging ability (which is ironic because lately I've been feeling like I've hit a slump). But Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl believes in me and presented me with the fabulous Pay it Forward blogging award.

First I felt happy. Then I read the rules ... the ones that said I had to further bestow this award to 5 other bloggers that inspire and entertain me and actually tell them (because how else would they know they got the award?) and then I felt utter panic because are you kidding me? I don't actually talk to people! Obviously Corn Fed is under the impression that I am well adjusted. Surprise!

So, what I am going to do is keep reading Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl and encourage you to do the same because she is funny as shit and you can find out all sorts of things about her like how she has no idea how to ride a bike and that totally makes me feel better because maybe I'd probably, for sure die if I had to approach someone I didn't know (even in Blog World) but at least I know how to ride a bike. Shah!

And I'll also do the other part of the award that says I have to tell you 7 things you don't really care to know about me because I'm pretty sure my readers are just as nosy as I am.

1) I cheated on my 4th grade timed multiplication test and totally got away with it. To this day I feel guilty when I think of it. Worse than that is I still don't know my multiplication facts. I think God was looking down on me going, "What is she doing? That's the worse cheating I've ever seen. Kids these days... I know, I'll let her get away with it, but punish her by not allowing her to become a mathematician. And then I'll give her children who will ask for help on their math homework and she won't be able to help them and she'll always regret cheating." God was right. I do regret it.

2) If I had a bag of gummy worms I would not share any of the red and white ones. Not even if Brad Pitt asked. I'd treat everyone the same and let them eat a green one but no one is getting a red.

3) I will never, ever, ever scuba dive. Not even if you offered me a million dollars. Because (a) I really don't trust that whole breathing apparatus thing, (b) there are sharks and fish that have teeth and biting and nibbling tendencies in those waters, and (c) I have crippling fears of drowning.

4) I will never, ever, ever eat black licorice. Unless you offered me a million dollars. Then I'd convince myself I was eating NyQuil Jello and imagine how I was going to spend all that money.

5) In high school a girl once looked right in my eyes and told me, "You're never going to amount to anything." For a long time I believed her. Fifteen years later I saw that girl again and quickly realized those were her fears, not my destiny. (Oh, how I wish I would have realized that at 16.)

6) I long to bake homemade bread. I have tried. And I have failed. I got the yeast and made the dough and I put it in a bowl with the little hand towel over it and - nothing. It was the exact same size. I threw the dough in my kitchen garbage can and forgot about it. Here's something you might not know: given the right conditions, bread dough really will rise to fill a 10 gallon garbage can. And, yes, I did consider taking it out and baking it.

7) I don't get that thrilled when I hear 80's music. In fact, I change the station. It's true.

4 comments:

Johi said...

Blahaha! NyQuil Jello- love it!
I may harbor a fear of bikes, but not horse teeth (the back end is way more dangerous and I have a giant scar on my FACE to prove it.)Shark teeth, however, scar the bejesus out of me.

Dan said...

10 gallon garbage can? funny stuff for sure. Thanks for the laugh.

Getrealmommy said...

That is the problem with those blog awards. There is always a catch!

I actually have not been on a bike myself since I was about 12 years old. I know I need to get back at it, now that my kids are getting older but am terified of it!!

Rebecca said...

Brad Pitt can easily buy his own gummy worms - probably even have them sorted out so he only gets the red ones. No need to share.

I feel your road trip pain, though I didn't get animal sounds, I had someone announcing every truck that went past while I was hydroplaning on the freeway. Joy!

P.S. I'd love to know just who made that lovely comment to you in high school. I had a similar experience myself.