Skip to main content

Someone wants me to Pay It Forward but all I want to do is sleep.

I would have posted sooner but I was doing this thing called vacationing. And by vacationing, I meanthe 9-year old and I spent 3 hours alone in the car driving to a crappy hotel in Normal, Illinois. And by crappy, I mean our hotel window didn't even shut all the way and I was too scared to ask for another room because be careful what you wish for and so we just cranked the heat up to 78 and it seemed to be okay. Also, for about an hour of the drive the 9-year old was bleating. Like a sheep. Like a whole herd of never tiring bleating sheep.

And I tried really hard not to lose my cool because she's the only one of my kids that actually gets upset if I get angry and she really does take things personally so I tried really hard to be one of those cool, calm and collected mothers.

"Wow. You really are very good at sounding like a sheep. Are there any other animals you know how to do?"

BAAAA!!!

"Huh. Mommy's getting kind of a head ache. I guess she doesn't like that many loud sheep noises."

BAAAA!!!

"Okay. That's enough now. I don't want you to hurt your throat."

BAAAA!!!

"FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS! STOP MAKING THAT STUPID SOUND BEFORE I STUFF A SOCK DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

Yep. It was a fun drive.

In other news, I got an AWARD! No, not for my superb mothering skills, but rather for my blogging ability (which is ironic because lately I've been feeling like I've hit a slump). But Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl believes in me and presented me with the fabulous Pay it Forward blogging award.

First I felt happy. Then I read the rules ... the ones that said I had to further bestow this award to 5 other bloggers that inspire and entertain me and actually tell them (because how else would they know they got the award?) and then I felt utter panic because are you kidding me? I don't actually talk to people! Obviously Corn Fed is under the impression that I am well adjusted. Surprise!

So, what I am going to do is keep reading Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl and encourage you to do the same because she is funny as shit and you can find out all sorts of things about her like how she has no idea how to ride a bike and that totally makes me feel better because maybe I'd probably, for sure die if I had to approach someone I didn't know (even in Blog World) but at least I know how to ride a bike. Shah!

And I'll also do the other part of the award that says I have to tell you 7 things you don't really care to know about me because I'm pretty sure my readers are just as nosy as I am.

1) I cheated on my 4th grade timed multiplication test and totally got away with it. To this day I feel guilty when I think of it. Worse than that is I still don't know my multiplication facts. I think God was looking down on me going, "What is she doing? That's the worse cheating I've ever seen. Kids these days... I know, I'll let her get away with it, but punish her by not allowing her to become a mathematician. And then I'll give her children who will ask for help on their math homework and she won't be able to help them and she'll always regret cheating." God was right. I do regret it.

2) If I had a bag of gummy worms I would not share any of the red and white ones. Not even if Brad Pitt asked. I'd treat everyone the same and let them eat a green one but no one is getting a red.

3) I will never, ever, ever scuba dive. Not even if you offered me a million dollars. Because (a) I really don't trust that whole breathing apparatus thing, (b) there are sharks and fish that have teeth and biting and nibbling tendencies in those waters, and (c) I have crippling fears of drowning.

4) I will never, ever, ever eat black licorice. Unless you offered me a million dollars. Then I'd convince myself I was eating NyQuil Jello and imagine how I was going to spend all that money.

5) In high school a girl once looked right in my eyes and told me, "You're never going to amount to anything." For a long time I believed her. Fifteen years later I saw that girl again and quickly realized those were her fears, not my destiny. (Oh, how I wish I would have realized that at 16.)

6) I long to bake homemade bread. I have tried. And I have failed. I got the yeast and made the dough and I put it in a bowl with the little hand towel over it and - nothing. It was the exact same size. I threw the dough in my kitchen garbage can and forgot about it. Here's something you might not know: given the right conditions, bread dough really will rise to fill a 10 gallon garbage can. And, yes, I did consider taking it out and baking it.

7) I don't get that thrilled when I hear 80's music. In fact, I change the station. It's true.

Comments

Johi said…
Blahaha! NyQuil Jello- love it!
I may harbor a fear of bikes, but not horse teeth (the back end is way more dangerous and I have a giant scar on my FACE to prove it.)Shark teeth, however, scar the bejesus out of me.
Dan said…
10 gallon garbage can? funny stuff for sure. Thanks for the laugh.
Getrealmommy said…
That is the problem with those blog awards. There is always a catch!

I actually have not been on a bike myself since I was about 12 years old. I know I need to get back at it, now that my kids are getting older but am terified of it!!
Rebecca said…
Brad Pitt can easily buy his own gummy worms - probably even have them sorted out so he only gets the red ones. No need to share.

I feel your road trip pain, though I didn't get animal sounds, I had someone announcing every truck that went past while I was hydroplaning on the freeway. Joy!

P.S. I'd love to know just who made that lovely comment to you in high school. I had a similar experience myself.

Popular posts from this blog

The House that God Built

in·stan·ta·ne·ous /ˌinstənˈtānēəs/ adjective 1. occurring or done in an instant or instantly.
synonyms: immediate, instant, on-the-spot







The thing is, she died so sudden.
I didn't have the chance to plead with God, to make all the irrational promises. If he would just let her be okay.... I would start taking better care of my health. I would be nicer to the neighbor that drove me crazy. I would always let someone else go in front of me at Walmart no matter how long the line was. I wouldn't complain. Ever. I would volunteer at the Homeless Shelter. I would clean up after pigs. I would clip the toenails of the elderly. I would do anything and everything He would ask me to do....
There is a box on her death certificate that captures the amount of time between the initial injury and the time of death. It reads "seconds." I wish it read "instantaneous" because she deserves a clever word like that.
Fast forward five years.... definitely taking MUCH longer than "…

Seeing Avery All Grown Up

One day I'll tell you about the freezing cold we left and the heavy bags we lugged, full of supplies and medicines. I'll tell you about arriving in Port au Prince and walking across a cracked concrete parking lot to board an old school bus with a flat tire. How the heat was suffocating after months of below zero Wisconsin winter weather, how the people crowded and walked too close to moving traffic as we searched for a tire shop that was barely more than a couple men sitting on overturned 5-gallon buckets on the side of the road next to a pile of old tires, everything covered in dirt.

I'll tell you about waiting on the bus while they removed the tire and I'll recall the loud explosion that rocked the bus and scared the life out of me and how I was relieved to learn it was just the tire blowing after being filled too far. (They didn't have any gauges.) And then I'll tell you about the fear I felt when I realized we didn't have a tire and we were stuck on th…

So, WILL an M&M melt in your nose?

This weekend was one of the busiest social dates of the summer. The options seemed endless: a lobster boil, a fireman's dance, and a little something called Moos & Blues which you just have to experience to believe. (Small town farmers hosting one of the biggest events of the season: pig roast, live music and an unbelievable fireworks display that ranks up there with the best of 'em.) However, I was home with Dotter (9) and Cletus (1.5) and two extra kids (aged 3 and 1).

Big V, being the stellar support system that he is, bailed on me to attend an obligatory graduation party.

So it was me (clearly outnumbered) who stayed with the children for the day.

And it was a very long day.

Eight hours later I had managed to put two of the kids to bed and the other was quietly watching a movie. (Dotter had locked herself in my bedroom hours earlier to get away from everyone. Meaning me. Because I kept asking her to help bring me a diaper. Help fill up that sippy cup. Help take that…