Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Why I Never Took My Friends Up On Their Offer To Set Me Up On A Date

"Hey! I got a guy for you!" Suh-weet! I could use a good look-see. Whadyagot?

"His name is Kenny." Okay. Decent name. Better than Horrace.

"He's crazy! Absolutely crazy! A NUT!"  As in certifiable? Or like streak through the Summerfest grounds after spending 2 hours in the Leine's tent crazy?

"He's divorced - has two kids..." Well, I'd be the pot calling the kettle black on that one...

"His wife WHACKED him!" Whacked him? What the hell does that mean?

"Took him for everything he's got." Ah, so he's poor.

"He's a musician - never around - especially during the summer. Always playing gigs." Nonexistant. Super. Perhaps I could meet him when he rolls out of bed around 2pm.

"And boy does he like his vodka! Starts drinking at 7 in the morning!" Well, I guess that means he doesn't sleep in as late as I thought.

"In his 50's.... but he likes the young broads." Why are you my friend?

Seriously, people. A crazy 50-year old musician who has no money but starts drinking vodka upon waking. Those are the qualities that make you think of me?

Editor's Note: Eventually I would realize that dating should not be allowed for me. I went on a year-long self imposed dating sabbatical (that strecthed into almost two years) and it made all the difference in the world! Then I met Big V at midget wrestling...

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