Tweet Remember when I had to beg and plead for my second grader to attend a private Christian school? And the Chairperson of the School Board really didn't want us there because I am the epitome of sin? And they made me feel like crap but it was really important to Dotter so I sucked it up and didn't say anything (except in my trademark passive aggressive snarky commentary on my blog)?
I mean, it was bad enough that I was unacceptable by Christian School standards, what with all my out-of-wedlock children, and living in sin, and swearing and stuff. I admit to all of that. But Dotter didn't do any of that. In fact, she tells me all the time how I shouldn't swear because it's bad and I could go to "the opposite of Heaven." Anyway. Remember how I thought it wouldn't be a big deal that my non-cussing, non-hussy 7-year old attend a school where she would learn about love and forgiveness and grace and peace and the unending limits of God's love and understanding, and how I would pay thousands of dollars each year for this precious educational gift, but how it turned out to be a really big deal instead and made me want to pack up and leave town and settle some place where people wouldn't judge me for swearing? Like on a lobster boat in Maine? And how I cried because I've never been made to feel so horrible by one woman in all my life? (Well, except for another woman, and that other woman's crazy daughter who hunted me down at our local WalMart, which makes me think this happens more in my life than I'm willing to admit.) Remember that woman? The first one. Not the second or the third one. (Although equally scary.)
Well, Hallelujah! She hath found forgiveness! She done gone requested little old sinful me as her very own Facebook Friend!
Really. Facebook Commandments clearly state that if you make someone cry, or if you make someone feel like the mud upon the bottom of your shoe in front of their children, you may not request them as a friend.
She obviously has not read that set of rules.
But now I'm all worried. Because what if I ignore the request? Then will she hate me even more and possibly ban Dotter from school on the basis that I think I'm too good to have her as my friend. Which is ironic because I wouldn't even come close to picking the term "friend" to describe our nonexistent relationship.
I can't say yes... because, honestly, my Facebook is like my blog all hopped up on energy drinks... and Jesus was actually pretty chill from what I've been taught. The content on my Facebook alone could have us banned from all religious institutions throughout the state. I cuss a LOT. I snark even more. And there are pictures of me imbibing alcoholic beverages. And then there's that whole White Trash thing to try to explain. Well, you see my predicament.