Thursday, July 15, 2010

Collection Calls

I hate answering the phone in our office.

What irritates me further is when I answer the phone and it's not even work related at all, rather some collection agency looking for some woman who obviously had issues paying her bills but who does not work here. For the first year I tried to be helpful explaining this was a second line in an office we recently acquired; that this is a business and that woman doesn't work here; that it's been over a year and we've never heard of this person and perhaps it's about time to update your stupid records and how did you get this job anyway if you can't even do something as simple as update your records to show this lady is not here. You know, helpful things like that.

Seriously, people. It's been over a year of this nonsense. It's time to have a little fun with this.

Telemarketer:  "Hello, is Barbara there, please?"

Me: "Oh my god! Barbara?! You mean -- you didn't hear?"

T: "I'm sorry. Um. Is Barbara available? This is a business matter."

Me: "You didn't hear? Barbara was involved in that big porn raid over at the Methodist Church."

T: ".....uh.... I'm looking for Barbara Smith....."

Me: "Can you believe that? I mean - the Methodists, right? Who would've thought! Totally conjures up a different image when you hear 'Let's get together and whip up some pies!' "

T: ".... uh... is there a better time when I could call ...."

Me: "Good Lord, you don't think she'll be released anytime soon, do you? I mean, there was that whole thing with the goat - I'm pretty sure that's some serious charges there."

T: ".... um... uh... thank you ...."


1 comment:

Brenna said...

I need you for the 300 times per summer canvassers decide my 'No Soliciting' sign, at eye level, doesn't apply to them.