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Showing posts from June 7, 2009

*sigh*

Some people are just relentless.

Take, for instance, Ornery Retired Guy.

Ornery Retired Guy, or ORG, as I'll continue to refer to him, has a seemingly wonderful life. He lives in the cutest little association on the lake. One of the originals, with houses close together, a tree lined old fashioned street, gorgeous lake views. They have their own private beach, regular cook-outs and get-togethers... a little bubbling creek winding its way through the property complete with wooden bridge... Life must be so good here. I assume it is because the majority of the families that live here (albeit, part-time) are happy and smiley and warm and friendly. Except for ORG.

ORG's house backs up to British Lady's house. They're new. They own the estate that borders the entire length of this cute & cozy association. British Lady is also always happy and smiley and warm and friendly. And she married a doctor. That doesn't have much to do with the story, but it's always cool to …

Waist Band Blues

Is it a bad sign when the maternity pants dig into your gut to a point it's impossible to sit comfortably? These would be the hipper "under belly" model khakis. Good Lord. To compensate I've unsnapped and unzipped the pants, and pulled on my big, fluffy winter sweater I keep at the office to wear when the inside temp drops to a cool 67 degrees. It's big - and long - and sufficiently covers my now open pants. How professional am I?

My stomach sticks straight out. I swear it's a close second to Kate Gosselin's bulging belly (which was 52"... I'll have to measure mine, but it sure feels close!). I have difficulty bending forward, shaving, putting on socks & shoes, and, well, I guess sitting in one spot.

It takes all kinds...

Big V took me out for lunch. We went to this shabby Mexican restaurant where no one speaks English. It has the most delicious food ever.

We walk in and some guy is sitting at a table by himself and recognizes V. This happens a lot so I'm not surprised. The guy stands and says 'hey' and they do their macho man-shake thing while I hover at the side.... "Oh, so you're expecting!" (genius observation) I smile, "yep..." "So did you cheat?" "I'm sorry... what?" "DID YOU CHEAT?" he yells louder and starts laughing while everyone turns and stares.

Ok, look, Mister Pissing-your-pants-you're-such-a-funny-guy, I don't know if you've ever heard of anything call Social Maturity, but you obviously don't excel at the skill. You don't need to cheat in order to get pregnant. And you certainly don't ask that type of rediculous question in the middle of a restaurant in the middle of a busy lunch shift, regardl…

Low Rider

The running joke in our house right now is this: Big V glances over at me flirtatiously and asks in his oh-so-sultry voice, "So, how's your placenta?" And I smile and respond with, "Low lying."

The doctor told us that my placenta happens to be, well, lying low and covering my cervix. Not too big of a deal... The doctor further informed us that I should not be lifting heavy objects, exercising too much, or having rough sex. I assured her I rarely do any of these particular activities normally, much less while knocked up. I swear I caught V muttering under his breath something like, "I wish she would..." and I am most certain he just was commenting on the fact that I wouldn't be able to help him move the piano that was coming in a few days.

Speaking of the piano! I am SO EXCITED!!
We are now the proud owners of a small awesome sounding Starck upright. Originally I wanted a really old, really tall upright - but the truth is it would not have looked righ…

Things That Annoy Me Regularly... (or, Things That Really Really Tick Me Off When I Feel Like Crap)

LOUD TALKERS!
Seriously. I hear you. This office is small. It's not hard. Trust me, you need to learn volume control.

Answering your cell phone, and continuing the conversation, without ever moving an inch from standing in front of my desk, making ME feel like somehow I've inconvenienced YOU.

Pet Names.
Look, Lady, you seem like a grand person - but that doesn't mean I know you, nor does it make it okay for you to refer to me as "Honey," "Sweetie," "Sugar," or "Dear." Just don't.

Repeating everything I say.
For example: "It says here that I can build an accessory structure 15' tall... is that true?"
"Yes, the maximum height is fifteen feet."
"So, I can build it to be fifteen feet."
(Do you see how this could continue ad nauseum?)

People who walk in commenting about how I look like hell. Yes, I am aware of this. I also feel like hell, in case you're wondering, and really you should do your part in maki…