Skip to main content

Don't bother with an RSVP.... I KNOW you'll be there.

If you read my previous post, you'll know Big V's attendence was required last-minute for a family dinner. He went to said dinner, returned home and announced, "I guess I have to be to church tomorrow by ten o'clock, and I'm supposed to wear my dress pants, orange shirt and tie." Attendance was required, yet again, last-minute, for a nephew's first communion. Now, I'm not Catholic, but I'm assuming notification was given a little more than thirteen hours ahead of time.

"My precious child, you shall be receiving for the first time, the sacrament of the Eucharist, tomorrow morning at ten. You may now invite your family to attend. And go - !"

Like that didn't leave a bug up my butt. Our precious we're-not-planning-a-thing-and-spending-all-day-together was shot. We did manage to spend Sunday together doing yard work. I burnt my arms to a crisp helping dig out and remove piece-by-piece an old brick patio. We'll have to wait until another day to fill in the void and seed it. (See, THAT'S why we wanted Saturday AND Sunday!) (... and what's with requiring a specific outfit? "Wear something nice" should suffice.)

He was then notified that Memorial Day he should plan to be in attendence to watch a parade and eat in a park for a two year old's birthday. A week later his attendence is required for a pre-school graduation. And a week from that his attendence is required for a kindergarten graduation. (On a positive note, they're starting to give longer than a 24-hour notice.)

I'm all for family support, but monopolizing the calendar should not be allowed. It also makes me wonder when the time will come that our family will be put first, allowing us a position where we are grown up enough to decide what events we can attend and which ones we have to pass on.

In my family an event is thrown out there and invitations are extended... but no one hates you if you don't show up. We know lives are busy. We understand you have to balance two sets of extended families with what you desire for your own immediate family. We won't disown you, yell at you, make you feel like crap, for not being able to make it. In fact, we probably won't even ask why you can't make it. We figure that's your business and assume you can make your own decisions. Shoot, Big V is still fending off comments of utter disappointment because he failed to attend a third grader's State Fair over a year ago. (This was when 3rd Grader researched the State of Arizona and made a poster. All the 3rd graders - each having researched a different state - then hung their posters up in the school gym to display their hard work. Some students brought in things that represented their state... rumor has it someone was bringing in guacamole! And V missed it... shame on him!)

I guess it's the fact that in V's family you simply cannot miss any family event. Ever. You think I'm joking? His sister - pregnant with her fourth child - had a due date the same exact day the Queen Bee wanted to go out to dinner for her birthday. All week leading up to the dinner comments were made: "I just know you're going to ruin my birthday." (As if any expectant mother can control when she naturally goes into labor.) But sure enough, that afternoon at a regularly scheduled doctor's appointment she was notified that she was about 3 centimeters dialated. Knowing dinner was that night at 7pm, she opted to forego the hospital and wing it....Between the salad and the main course she finally announced she couldn't take it anymore and to the hospital they flew. It took about ten minutes to get to the hospital... twenty minutes after that her son was born.

Now, I ask you, if you can't even decline a family event to give birth is there any way at all to miss anything without being the family pariah?


Popular posts from this blog

The House that God Built

in·stan·ta·ne·ous /ˌinstənˈtānēəs/ adjective 1. occurring or done in an instant or instantly.
synonyms: immediate, instant, on-the-spot

The thing is, she died so sudden.
I didn't have the chance to plead with God, to make all the irrational promises. If he would just let her be okay.... I would start taking better care of my health. I would be nicer to the neighbor that drove me crazy. I would always let someone else go in front of me at Walmart no matter how long the line was. I wouldn't complain. Ever. I would volunteer at the Homeless Shelter. I would clean up after pigs. I would clip the toenails of the elderly. I would do anything and everything He would ask me to do....
There is a box on her death certificate that captures the amount of time between the initial injury and the time of death. It reads "seconds." I wish it read "instantaneous" because she deserves a clever word like that.
Fast forward five years.... definitely taking MUCH longer than "…

Seeing Avery All Grown Up

One day I'll tell you about the freezing cold we left and the heavy bags we lugged, full of supplies and medicines. I'll tell you about arriving in Port au Prince and walking across a cracked concrete parking lot to board an old school bus with a flat tire. How the heat was suffocating after months of below zero Wisconsin winter weather, how the people crowded and walked too close to moving traffic as we searched for a tire shop that was barely more than a couple men sitting on overturned 5-gallon buckets on the side of the road next to a pile of old tires, everything covered in dirt.

I'll tell you about waiting on the bus while they removed the tire and I'll recall the loud explosion that rocked the bus and scared the life out of me and how I was relieved to learn it was just the tire blowing after being filled too far. (They didn't have any gauges.) And then I'll tell you about the fear I felt when I realized we didn't have a tire and we were stuck on th…

When Your Imagined Life is Nothing Like This One

There were so many ways I imagined my adult life would be....THIS is not one of them.
I posted that on my Facebook wall last night. It might have been seen as funny except my choice of hashtags gave me away:
treading water getting nowhere piles of disappointment not many successes worn out and exhausted out of options

I always imagined my life would be thrilling. Full of exciting adventures and people from all over the world. I would dine at Ethiopian, Thai, and Indian restaurants. I would write books, teach English, coach forensics and direct the play. My husband would be charming and funny and not care about gender roles when it came to household chores. He would beg for at least six kids and I would fall in love with him all over again each time I caught him giving good life advice.
I would take photographs and travel the world documenting the people I came across. I would adopt a sibling group of three or maybe four and work on foster care policies because the ones we have aren't work…