Tweet Me: Hello. How can I help you?
Woman on Phone: I'm going to subpoena your coworker.
Me: Um. Okay. Is there anything else I can help you with?
WoP: He needs to testify at my trial and tell the judge my life was in danger so I can get my two thousand dollars.
Me: Okay. I'll let him know.
WoP: Because I'm suing my landlord. And he said someone was moving in there.
Me: Who said someone was moving in where?
WoP: My landlord. He said people were moving in to the apartment so I have to remove the mailbox.
Me: Do you live in the apartment?
WoP: No. I moved out. But now he said other people are moving in there and so I have to remove the mailbox.
Me: Whose mailbox is it?
WoP: Mine. Ninety-nine percent of the people are too scared to put in their own mailbox; they just get their mail at the Post Office, but they don't have to. This is America and you can get your mail delivered if you want it.
Me: It's your mailbox and you moved out and now your landlord has asked you to remove your mailbox. Since you don't live there anymore. Do you want the mailbox?
WoP: Yes! Of course I want the mailbox - it's mine! I still get my mail there.
Me: You still get your mail delivered to the mailbox where you used to live but don't live any more? When did you move out?
WoP: About a month ago.
Me: So, it's your mailbox. You want it back. You don't live there. But you don't want to take it?
WoP: I want to leave it until the court case is done.
Me: Oh, yes. The court case. What is the court case?
WoP: Well, I'm suing because my life was in danger. He gave me my security deposit back but because my life was in danger he should pay me more. He got mad at me and said he'd give me a hundred dollars, but my life is worth more than that.
Me: -- right.... two thousand dollars.