Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Cinderella Syndrome

evening; the basement, where the children had been banished hours earlier with strict instructions to clean the playroom and unearth the carpeted floor.

The Bean, 15 - in the playroom, barking orders at her sister.
Dotter, 9 - also in playroom, goofing off and being generally uncooperative.
Mother, 27 (don't question the age, people, it's really not that important) - enters basement to do some much needed laundry.

As mother juggles dirty laundry she spies The Bean walking by obviously hiding something, because, really, who walks sideways up a set of stairs with their back to their mother? Hello, red flag! Mother, sensing deviousness, pounces on the now alone, innocent, younger daughter:

Mother:  What was she carrying?

Dotter: Huh?

Mother: The Bean. What was she trying to hide from me?

Dotter: I don't know. Something in a bag.

Intent on getting to the bottom of things, Mother waits like a silent ninja for the unsuspecting child to return.... and when she does:

Mother: What were you carrying?

Bean: Huh?

Mother: Up the stairs. What were you trying to hide from me? (Crosses arms.)

Bean: Oh. That. Uh. It was a bag.

Mother: What was inside the bag that you didn't want me to see?

Bean: Oh. Um.  (nervous forced chuckle) That. Well. Do you remember beginning of Freshman year?

(Mother narrows eyes.)

Bean continues: Well, you told me to do the dishes and I got mad at you because I didn't think I should have to do them and you were like there's only five bowls and a handful of spoons but I still didn't want to do them so I put all the dirty dishes in a bag and brought them down here and hid them in the closet in the playroom.

(Mother wonders for a brief moment if she has somehow slipped into a parallel universe where nothing makes sense.)

Mother: Let me see if I understand this.... over a year and a half ago I asked you to wash a minimal amount of dishes, but instead of actually washing those dishes you decided it would be easier to throw the dishes into a plastic bag and hide them in the deep recesses of a closet in the basement in the hopes rodents and other wildlife would infest our home and feast on the crusted food that was laying around.

Bean: Well, when you say it that way you make it sound stupid.

No comments: