Sunday, December 26, 2010

Holiday Crazies & Washing Machines, too!

Holidays can be crazy. Insane even. Especially if you surround yourself with insane people, which I strongly suggest you do because it gives you plenty of blogging material.

This weekend we met Byron. I believe Byron fit in that overall insane category, but he was one of those funny insane people as opposed to the eating human flesh for Christmas Dinner at the Dahmer's type. Byron lives with his sister. He has another sister, too, but he doesn't live with that one. The sister he does live with has three kids and they're kind of like teenagers. (He doesn't know their exact age.) Anyway, when they clean their rooms they just throw their clothes in the basement laundry room and some of the clothes hasn't been worn and is actually still folded. This happens at our house, too, but I didn't tell Byron that because it was twelve degrees outside and he was supposed to be lifting a washing machine into the back of our truck and not chit-chatting about how right now he sleeps on the couch but pretty soon he's going to have his very own room.

The reason Big V and I were standing outside listening to Mr. Talks A Lot is because we had to purchase a new washing machine. Either that or go to the laundromat. And I have a love/hate relationship with the laundromat ever since some lunatic in a fur hat came running in yelling at everyone that the washers were full of radioactive energy that the government installed to try to kill off all the people and the only way to survive was if we put aluminum foil around our necks, which he happened to also be sporting. I didn't happen to have any aluminum foil with me so I avoided eye contact, but it didn't work. Eventually he came up to me ranting about how my insides were frying right now this second and can't you feel your organs sizzle? and I was all Is that real fur? Because I don't think PETA would appreciate that.  So, even though I love how all the loads get done at the same time at the laundromat, it was either a new washer or invest in several rolls of foil.

Lucky for us Big V is a hotty and the chick in the appliance department was all this washing machine is on sale at one hundred dollars off, but for you I'll take an additional $75 off the sale price if you haul it away yourself and he was all I am a strong man with a big truck; thank you for the completely undeserved deal and I was all don't forget about me! I can use my military discount for an additional ten percent off and the appliance department chick was all do you hear something? and Big V was all that's just the rippling of my muscles so in the end we got it for a really good price.

I guess the catch was standing outside on the frozen tundra of a big box parking lot while Byron casually leaned on the side of the box telling us about his family history for a good half hour before he'd consider helping lift the darn thing. Did you know his brother collects dice? He has hundreds and hundreds of different colors and sizes and he keeps them in glass jars so you can see them all.

1 comment:

Robyn Fuller said...

Reminds me of the time I called someone to ask a simple question and ended up on the phone for 4 1/2 hours because I'm too "polite" to say "I have to go now". If you ever want to know the entire history of every person, tree, animal and any other non-mammal inhabitant of Darien just let me know. I believe the data I received goes back to 1940... oh... and I could elaborate on his health problems but I'm sure you are not interested in hearing about bowels and blood in urine.