Skip to main content

Score 1 for Magical Mama Abilities

I walked in the door last night a bit after 10pm. (That would be ten o'clock at night. After the sun went down. And the sky was dark.)

Big V was sitting in Cletus's bedroom, in the wing chair we affectionately have termed the Reading Chair, looking all verklempt. That is, if verklempt means that he looked like the walking dead, with his hair sticking out all over the place, exhausted, on the verge of tears and/or a complete nervous breakdown.

And there was Cletus. In his crib. Jumping as high as he could go singing, "AD DEE! AD DEE! AD DEE!" (which sounds just like Daddy without the beginning D. And also in a highly annoying pitch).

I looked over at V.

He looked at me.

I've been in here for two hours. He won't go to sleep.

Why are you just sitting here?

I'm making sure he goes to sleep.

Could you sleep if someone was sitting there, staring at you? Because I sure as hell couldn't. It's creepy.

And then I walked out. Because why the hell would I want to get involved in that nonsense?

But after another ten minutes of listening to jump! jump! jump! and AD DEE! AD DEE! AD DEE! and Go to bed. I told you it's time to go to bed. Stop jumping now and go to bed. I decided to help.

Hey, V, could you come here for a second?

(I heard the exasperated sigh from down the hall.)

And as Big V schlepped down the hall Cletus started with MOM! MOM! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOMMY! MOMMY! MOM! just. like. Stewie.

Standing against the counter I asked for an overall breakdown of what occurred during my absence that might have attributed to the scene I now found myself standing in.

I kept asking him if he wanted to go to sleep and he kept telling me no.

Uh... come again?

It kept getting later and later but every time I asked him if he wanted to go to bed he said no.

You do realize he's two. People who are two never want to go to bed. People who are two want to smash chocolate cake in their hair and lick the cat.

Well, what would you have wanted me to do?!

Might I suggest putting him in his bed at the same time and in the same was as every other night of his life. Feed him dinner, make him pick up his toys, give him a bath, put him in pajamas, read two books - no more; just two, or you'll be there all night - then put him in his bed and tell him to stay there. And ignore him when he kicks up a fuss - don't keep talking to him.

Oh, like that's going to work.

By the way, he's sleeping.

He's sleeping now. Go ahead, go check on him.

And just like that the planets aligned and the kid magically fell asleep. I should have bought a lottery ticket.


Chiconky said…
It may not be fair, and I may be smug, but man it feels good to swoop in and git 'r done sometimes.

Also, C is the same way! "Oh, they weren't tired yet..." Yeah. Yeah they were. And keeping them up later isn't going to make them sleep in either. Nice try.
Becca said…
Mom wins again!!
Johi said…
Brock took Thing 1 to the store the other night and while there gave him three sticks of licorice. This was at 7:15 p.m. I have three problems with this:
1.) We don't feed him wheat because of horrible skin rashes. Licorice has wheat.
2.) Bedtime is 7:30 and my lovely husband choose SUGAR to "sedate" the child?
3.) Once again, the kid gets treats from DADDY in the store.

I merely glared at him when Thing 1 was bouncing off the walls. Good times.
Getrealmommy said…
Oh love this love this love this!!! Hard as they try sometimes dads just don't get it. Miss seeing you on my blog. Running a contest for Macy's gift card which almost nobody has entered, if that will get you back! ;)

Popular posts from this blog

The House that God Built

in·stan·ta·ne·ous /ˌinstənˈtānēəs/ adjective 1. occurring or done in an instant or instantly.
synonyms: immediate, instant, on-the-spot

The thing is, she died so sudden.
I didn't have the chance to plead with God, to make all the irrational promises. If he would just let her be okay.... I would start taking better care of my health. I would be nicer to the neighbor that drove me crazy. I would always let someone else go in front of me at Walmart no matter how long the line was. I wouldn't complain. Ever. I would volunteer at the Homeless Shelter. I would clean up after pigs. I would clip the toenails of the elderly. I would do anything and everything He would ask me to do....
There is a box on her death certificate that captures the amount of time between the initial injury and the time of death. It reads "seconds." I wish it read "instantaneous" because she deserves a clever word like that.
Fast forward five years.... definitely taking MUCH longer than "…

Seeing Avery All Grown Up

One day I'll tell you about the freezing cold we left and the heavy bags we lugged, full of supplies and medicines. I'll tell you about arriving in Port au Prince and walking across a cracked concrete parking lot to board an old school bus with a flat tire. How the heat was suffocating after months of below zero Wisconsin winter weather, how the people crowded and walked too close to moving traffic as we searched for a tire shop that was barely more than a couple men sitting on overturned 5-gallon buckets on the side of the road next to a pile of old tires, everything covered in dirt.

I'll tell you about waiting on the bus while they removed the tire and I'll recall the loud explosion that rocked the bus and scared the life out of me and how I was relieved to learn it was just the tire blowing after being filled too far. (They didn't have any gauges.) And then I'll tell you about the fear I felt when I realized we didn't have a tire and we were stuck on th…

When Your Imagined Life is Nothing Like This One

There were so many ways I imagined my adult life would be....THIS is not one of them.
I posted that on my Facebook wall last night. It might have been seen as funny except my choice of hashtags gave me away:
treading water getting nowhere piles of disappointment not many successes worn out and exhausted out of options

I always imagined my life would be thrilling. Full of exciting adventures and people from all over the world. I would dine at Ethiopian, Thai, and Indian restaurants. I would write books, teach English, coach forensics and direct the play. My husband would be charming and funny and not care about gender roles when it came to household chores. He would beg for at least six kids and I would fall in love with him all over again each time I caught him giving good life advice.
I would take photographs and travel the world documenting the people I came across. I would adopt a sibling group of three or maybe four and work on foster care policies because the ones we have aren't work…