Monday, March 26, 2012

Okey Dokey, Dang Nabbit!

As a condition of my employment I'm required to attend meetings. Evening meetings. You know, meetings held during that time when you'd rather be at home picking your toenails while criticizing American Idol candidates and plotting how you're going to successfully convince your husband to run to the store to get a tube of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls just because you have a craving.

Anyway, some meetings offer a change of scenery - ooh! We're in the big conference room tonight! Some offer baked goodies. Oh, wait. Actually none of them do. In any case, all of them evoke the passing thought of I'd rather be doing anything other than sitting here doing this. But we have to look all professional and be aware that there are reporters in the room ready to pounce at any given second and the last thing you want to have happen is be featured on the front page sleeping.

Well, not anymore, pilgrims! I've just stumbled upon how to make even the most mind-numbing meeting so fun and exciting y'all will be clamoring to be a part of it! And, contrary to your initial thought, it does not involve nudity.

So this is what happens: at the start of every public meeting, the players (audience members and office staff) will receive two secret words or phrases - the words will not be disclosed to the voting officials of that meeting's quorum. Players will then earn points for proper use of the secret words or phrases throughout the meeting. The secret words or phrases must be used in a complete sentence when addressing official members and cannot be randomly yelled out or counted if being directed towards a non-voting person. A running score is kept for all players throughout the year. The player who uses the secret words or phrases most often, thus earning the most points, wins.

However, if a voting official believes they know the secret word or phrase for a particular meeting they must, stand up and yell their guess at the top of their lungs. Much like an excited kid playing Uno. If correct, all players totals earned for that meeting with the correctly guessed word or phrase are then wiped to zero and there is no more chance to earn points on that word or phrase.

Tonight's top secret words are:

Okey Dokey!


Dang nabbit!

It is important that the top secret words chosen are both interesting yet not too unusal. They must encourage unusual and creative use by the players while not appearing too obvious to the Voting Officials. (Remember, if correctly guessed, totals earned on the phrase for that meeting are reduced to zero.)

However, an unusual term also challenges the players. For instance, let's say the secret term was snollygoster (a person who can't be trusted, especially a politician, who is guided by personal advantage rather than by consistent, respectable principles). Obviously, if a person in the audience stands up under Visitors to be Heard and says I think you're a snollygoster a Voting Official is going to guess that word right away. However, if approached delicately, for example, hidden within a compliment - as in I just wanted to say Thank You for all your hard work. I know that many people complain about politicians; they're untrustworthy, they're only thinking about themselves, they're just a bunch of snollygosters - but I think you all do wonderful work. I, for one, am very excited about the increase in taxes, so, again, thank you! it just might work.