Monday, October 24, 2011

Sometimes the way my mind works scares even me.

Today I learned I am a freak of nature because I have issues with cookware. It was the fault of Starbucks, actually, because no one would have known this about me if their line hadn't been ridiculously long this morning and I hadn't subsequently posted a picture to my Facebook account mentioning said line.

Then a friend of mine was all can't you just make coffee at home? and I was all I'm after the chai tea, y'all! and she was all well, can't you make THAT at home? And I was all no, because:

  • then I'd have to purchase a tea kettle. Which I think are pretty gross because they end up getting lime deposits on the bottom in the inside and you can never really get them clean.
  • Or else I would have to use a pan to boil water in because I have issues with microwaving a cup of water (don't ask; I could never explain it other than "it smells funny").
  • Then I'd have to wash the spoon I stirred with - and wash up the counter because there would probably be water spots that dripped off my spoon.
  • And then I'd have to figure out a container to put the drink into... a travel mug, if you will, which I don't own because I have issues with the cleanliness of the lids, and I also have issues with where to put the lids after they're washed, because they never fit nicely on the shelf and I also don't like putting them in drawers where people's dirty hands could possibly touch them rummaging through for something else...
  • and, well, really, it's just SO much better for my anxiety disorder if I just went through the drive-thru at Starbucks.
And then I thought about how every time I take a glass out of the cupboard I rinse it out before putting any liquid in it. (But that's because I'm afraid there might be a pincher-bug in it.)

And that reminded me about how when I go to cook something I take the pan, or cookie sheet, or casserole dish out and clean it before I use it - even though it was cleaned before it was placed in the cupboard. (But that's because I'm afraid there might be one of those paper thin body skins laying in it that was molted off a creepy worm-bug.)

And that reminded me about how I always rinse a spoon before I mix anything with it, regardless of how shiny and sparkling clean it is. (But that's because you never know what bugs are crawling around your silverware at night.)

And that reminded me about how I can't stand the fact that there are thousands of germs on the counter top so I wash that sucker down roughly 672 times a day because, people sit on that thing. Like I'm going to make a sandwich on the same surface someone's butt cheeks were pressed just moments ago. I think not. And I don't care that it wasn't actual bare butt cheeks; denim is not a suitable barrier between butts and bread, that's all I'm saying. (Also, there's no way it would be physically or emotionally possible for me to lay a piece of bread on a countertop. I need a plate. I think that was painfully obvious before it was stated, wasn't it?)

However, my obvious germaphobia seems to be restricted to cookware as the bathroom garbage has been overflowing going on six days now and I can't remember the last time I mopped behind the toilet. Not to mention, there's a spider web growing to epic proportions in the far corner of the living room that from time to time I consider sweeping down, but that would require locating a broom. Also, I think subconsciously I feel safer providing a more natural habitat for creepy crawly bugs because if they had a place to go maybe they wouldn't be hanging out in my cupboards.

Makes sense to me.


Becca said...

Makes total sense. I'm not as vigilant as you, though. If you come visit me we should probably get take-out. You probably also don't want to know that I clean out my coffeemaker right before I use it--because I didn't do it the last time I used it.

Tina, said...

Wow with all that in the phobia department, I find it odd that you don't think about the fact that someone else is making your tea with out doing all that. After all even though the sign says "all employee's must wash before returning to work" doesn't always mean they do!

Not to mention the fact of storage rooms and cups, lids, straws and such....I'm just saying.

Vinegar! Wash your tea pot with vinegar after every use.

wv: labliz

Brenna said...

I'm with you on the microwaved water, PLUS it makes the teabag sizzle when you drop it in. But is the lime in my kettle going to kill me?