How to Win a War: Stay one step ahead of the competition. Which, clearly, I am not.

Hey, Dad! Guess what? Remember how we took out that scrub brush from by the street? On the other side of the garage? By the lilac bushes? There are sunflowers growing there! The girls noticed them the other day! Can you believe it?!

Maybe someone planted them as a joke.

Who would plant sunflowers as a joke? No one plants flowers as a joke.

We used to back home. When someone left we'd plant something in their garden and wait for them to find it.

Did you plant sunflowers in my yard as a joke?

(stifles laughter) No... I'm just saying that some people would do that....

I feel like this is a good time to point out that my parent's back yard is massive. Like regulation football field massive. And it's neatly (and proudly) mowed and trimmed. With beautiful gardens bordering the yard, which is big and wide and all smooth cut grass.... like a blanket of velvet.

I wonder if Dad likes corn. I'm picturing three or four cornstalks sprouting up from the exact center of his manicured lawn....