Skip to main content

Drawing the Line

Cletus the used to be fetus is now 16 months old. This means he can walk, run, play, jump, climb and generally never stops moving during waking hours, which is great because it's never too early to train this kid for the Olympics according to Big V.

Big V grew up with seemingly no other purpose than to play sports and he's intent on passing this on to his son. I spend our evenings watching V hurl a regulation size football at Cletus's chest in the hopes that sooner or later automatic response will kick in and suddenly his banana smeared chubby hands will grasp that pigskin and snap it back. I kind of feel bad for the boy, but he seems to laugh every time he's knocked down. Now, I've never really played sports - I'm more of the cheering type. (If you count sitting with my friends in the bleachers catching up on the latest gossip "cheering.") - but I still think whipping an object at an innocent child's body in the hopes of turning him into the star quarterback is a bit harsh.

Last night V was out of the house playing basketball with the big boys which provided me the opportunity to teach some sport skills of my own. I decided to teach the boy to kick the soccer ball. That way I would be supporting Big V's sports goals and I wouldn't have to worry about giving the kid a black eye.

After twenty minutes of the toddler laughing at me running around the living room toe tapping a soccer ball Cletus decided to show off his kick. And the kid is good! Like, surprisingly, strangely good. In the "he is actually controlling the ball with his pudgy legs" kind of way. And I, like any giddy mother, started jumping up and down and clapping and squealing about how much of a natural he is and how he is going to be the next David Beckham (but without all the tattoos).

Then reality hit. Soccer? Uh, no. No. No. No. There is just absolutely no way I can allow this.

Soccer games are played in the middle of an open field in the middle of nowhere. And there are no seats. And You have to park your car and walk fifteen miles just to sit on the grass. And they play in the rain. And they have all these crazy tournaments that are hosted two hours away and start at seven o'clock in the morning. On a Saturday! There is just no way I can sit on the ground in the rain at seven o'clock in the morning week after painful week.

It was at that moment I realized I needed to take command of this situation before it got out of hand. I sat the boy down and had a heart-to-heart.

"Hey, buddy... Look! Mama has a cookie! See this good cookie? Mmm! Would you like a cookie?"

Up and down he nodded his little head excitedly.

"You can have this cookie if you promise Mommy to only play indoor sports. Okay? Can you say indoor sports?"

"BAH!"

"Innn - doorrrr... yes, indoor sports are good! Just like this cookie!"

"BAH!"

"...because Mommy gets really cold very easy and she doesn't like the rain..."

"BAH!"

"... but she does like those bleachers in the gym! And she really, really likes that concession stand that sells those yummy nachos!"

"BAH!"

"... and while Mommy eats her nachos, you can play basketball, or wrestle.... or even go swimming!!"

"BAH!"

I'm pretty confident we have an agreement.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The House that God Built

in·stan·ta·ne·ous /ˌinstənˈtānēəs/ adjective 1. occurring or done in an instant or instantly.
synonyms: immediate, instant, on-the-spot







The thing is, she died so sudden.
I didn't have the chance to plead with God, to make all the irrational promises. If he would just let her be okay.... I would start taking better care of my health. I would be nicer to the neighbor that drove me crazy. I would always let someone else go in front of me at Walmart no matter how long the line was. I wouldn't complain. Ever. I would volunteer at the Homeless Shelter. I would clean up after pigs. I would clip the toenails of the elderly. I would do anything and everything He would ask me to do....
There is a box on her death certificate that captures the amount of time between the initial injury and the time of death. It reads "seconds." I wish it read "instantaneous" because she deserves a clever word like that.
Fast forward five years.... definitely taking MUCH longer than "…

Seeing Avery All Grown Up

One day I'll tell you about the freezing cold we left and the heavy bags we lugged, full of supplies and medicines. I'll tell you about arriving in Port au Prince and walking across a cracked concrete parking lot to board an old school bus with a flat tire. How the heat was suffocating after months of below zero Wisconsin winter weather, how the people crowded and walked too close to moving traffic as we searched for a tire shop that was barely more than a couple men sitting on overturned 5-gallon buckets on the side of the road next to a pile of old tires, everything covered in dirt.

I'll tell you about waiting on the bus while they removed the tire and I'll recall the loud explosion that rocked the bus and scared the life out of me and how I was relieved to learn it was just the tire blowing after being filled too far. (They didn't have any gauges.) And then I'll tell you about the fear I felt when I realized we didn't have a tire and we were stuck on th…

When Your Imagined Life is Nothing Like This One

There were so many ways I imagined my adult life would be....THIS is not one of them.
I posted that on my Facebook wall last night. It might have been seen as funny except my choice of hashtags gave me away:
treading water getting nowhere piles of disappointment not many successes worn out and exhausted out of options

I always imagined my life would be thrilling. Full of exciting adventures and people from all over the world. I would dine at Ethiopian, Thai, and Indian restaurants. I would write books, teach English, coach forensics and direct the play. My husband would be charming and funny and not care about gender roles when it came to household chores. He would beg for at least six kids and I would fall in love with him all over again each time I caught him giving good life advice.
I would take photographs and travel the world documenting the people I came across. I would adopt a sibling group of three or maybe four and work on foster care policies because the ones we have aren't work…