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Showing posts from August 22, 2010


This is the dog kennel.
Also known as Dogcatraz.
It is a combination of metal, wood, cement board, extension cords, duct tape and rope.
And also a broom. (It's expertly hidden. Like a ninja.)

Why do we keep her locked in a kennel?

The dog ate the la-z-boy recliner.

And then she ate the couch cushion.

And then she rearranged my furniture.
And ate magazines.
And some books.
And Big V's senior class yearbook.
And people would cry, "She needs something special!"
So we got her a plush doggie bed.

And she ate it.

The One In Which I'm Pretty Sure My Mom Has Been Murdered

Life would be so much easier for me if my mother wasn't so, well, dependable. For instance, I can depend on her to answer her phone when I call because she almost always does. On those rare occasions when she doesn't, I can count on her to call me back somewhere between minute 1:17 and 2:36 of my rambling, way-too-long-to-bother-with voicemail message I'm leaving her.

But the other day she didn't answer my phone call.

Or the next one.

Or the next one after that.

And I got worried. Mostly because I really needed to hop on line and make a money transfer and I had no way of doing it at my house, but also because my mom always answers her phone. And she always calls back. But she wasn't doing either. And that, in itself, is worrisome.

So I drove to her house because I really needed to use her computer and also there was a part of me that thought maybe she was just avoiding my call because she was afraid I'd ask her to raise my first born. Again. And when the Bea…