The night before the last day of school before Christmas Break.
Jelly Bean: "Um, Mom, you need to bring me to the store."
Me: [attempting to sit for the first time all day] "For...."
JB: "I have to get presents for my friends."
Me: "Silly child. You have no money and your mommy is smart enough to realize this."
JB: "But I have to get them something because they got me something."
Me: "It's almost nine o'clock at night, Bean."
JB: [full of emotional teen angst] "Why do you always treat me like this? You just don't want me to have any friends!"
Me: "How much are we talking here, Bean. How much money do you have budgeted for each gift and how many gifts do you need?"
JB: "Well...." [look of panic crosses face as she realizes she must employ math skills] "... um, maybe, like, ten dollars for each gift."
Me: "Ok. And how many gifts?"
JB: "Only like six."
Me: "That's sixty dollars - Are you planning on getting a job soon?"
Me: [silent stare as I wait for her to realize this is a most rediculous request to ask me to pay $60 to buy gifts for her friends at 9:00 at night, especially since she has no plans of actually getting a job and working for her spending money]
JB: "It's just that most jobs you have to work on the weekends and that's the only time I get to see my friends."
6:48am the next morning.
Please note the bus arrives at 6:50am.
JB: [screaming into the bathroom where I'm busy showering] "Mom! You need to drive me to school."
JB: "Because I have to turn in my cheerleading uniform."
Me: "... not following you here..."
JB: "Oh my god, Mom! I'm not going to ride the bus with my cheer uniform! That's so lame!"
Me: "What? Get on the bus!"
JB: "Oh my god! Why do you always embarrass me!"
Me: "Throw the uniform in your backpack, Bean. You've got enough room. It's not like there are any books in there."
JB: "You don't understand!" [noises that sound like she's throwing herself to the floor with her arm dramatically covering her face... much like a princess who has fainted after eating a poisoned apple]
Me: "Bean! You're going to miss the bus. I won't be done and dressed in the next three minutes to make sure you get to school on time and I don't think 'didn't feel like riding the bus' is a valid excuse for tardiness."
JB: "But I have my uniform!"
Me: [still yelling through running water] "It's the smallest uniform ever - next to the swim team's. Stuff it in your back pocket if you don't want it in your bag. Christ, stuff your bra with it, I don't care, just get on that bus so you're not late for school."
JB: "I hate you!"