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Showing posts from August 19, 2012

More Texts from the Teen. With Pictures.

Text From Teen: You know what song I'm obsessed with that you probably know cause its from back in the day?
Me: We Built This City by Starship?
Text From Teen: Nope. You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall and Oates!
Me: Oh.
Text From Teen: My new obsession? You can bet your a$$ they are!

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Text From Teen: Your boyfriend is here at the beach. He can be so embarrassing sometimes.



Disclaimer: this guy is NOT my boyfriend.


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Text From Teen: Did you know at least 14 people get raped by dolphins each year?

Me: Can't you just say Hi Mom! I Love You! like normal kids?

Text From Teen:
It's real mom. It's very real.

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If I Lived Alone.....

... I'd come home from work and the hidden bag of Butterfingers would still be in the back of the fridge behind the tub of Crisco and jar of pickled beets, and I would eat three of them (because they're the mini sized candy bars) and I wouldn't start crying because all I see are empty bright yellow wrappers strewn about my house.

... it would be impossible to ever find toenail clippings on the end table by the remote control because who does that?!

... all containers of Kool-aid would be filled with the proper powder to water ratio described in the directions and no one would ever pour themselves a tall glass of colored blah.

... toilet paper would find its way to the handy-dandy toilet paper dispenser and not sit on the side of the bathroom counter soaking up splashed water.

... I'd watch television for longer than 3.4 second bursts of time because my brain capacity can handle character dialogue.

... I would never empty my vacuum cleaner canister to discover a strang…

Nothing Can Stop You From Dancing

But a heart can't be helped and it gathers regret Someday you'll wake up, and feel a great pain And you'll miss every toy you've ever owned
In a karmic twist of fate, I celebrated my 39th birthday the same day my 66-year old Uncle David was laid to rest. Well, not exactly the same calendar date, but due to an international time zone, both events were held during the same time in space.
I spent the weekend thinking about mortality and about how someone would sum up my life: "She complained about money quite a bit... and never did seem to catch up on all that laundry."

I thought about how I haven't done any of the things I said I was going to do way back in high school. I thought about how many times I had made a decision and then life got in the way and decided things for me.
You'll want to go back You wish you were small Nothing will console your crying
And my dad and I sat in his kitchen until way past my bedtime talking about his baby brother who he ca…