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Showing posts from April 15, 2012

The Secret to Getting Some is Doing the Laundry. (Yep, it's that easy.)

Four loads of laundry sat waiting for me on the living room couch. Already washed, already dried, yet someone needed to fold them. And that person would be me.

At this point in the evening I was exhausted and completely overwhelmed. We'd been going nonstop for the last couple weeks -- work, more work, school projects, doctor appointments, surgery, a puking cat, a car that leaks oil, the orthodontist, taxes, rehearsals, performances --- not to mention trying to keep up on the everyday things, like eating, showering, laundry, dishes, and making sure teeth got brushed before bedtime.

I wanted to cry. My back hurt. My head hurt. I just wanted to fall into bed and sleep for days..... but these clothes weren't going to fold themselves and if I waited too long I'd be forced to iron. (Who am I kidding? Everyone knows I'd just toss them back in the wash for a do-over.)

I picked up the first of three million trillion stupid articles of clothing.

"Oh. You're home!&quo…

The One in Which I Explain The Rules For Telling a Girl She's Got Something in Her Teeth

Once, when I was young and cute and slim enough to wear cute, frilly frocks, I went out on a date with a really cute guy. I felt really mature and adult-like because we were going to lunch. And only really mature people went to lunch. Therefore, I was mature. And also smoking hot in my cute little outfit with my toes nicely painted and the right amount of sun-kissed glow to my skin.

And lunch was fabulous. We went to Big Apple Bagels (which, looking back on things wasn't as grown-up and mature as I originally thought). The point is, he was funny and charming and I was cute and witty and we sat talking and laughing, me flirting in ridiculous proportions, long after we finished our food. Then I excused myself to go to the bathroom (because I've always had a small bladder).

And when I checked myself in the mirror I realized I had a ginormous-sized black seed stuck in between my teeth in probably the most obvious and unattractive location ever.

And I was horrified. Not because I …