Friday, November 5, 2010

It Just Is.

I admit there are times when I am what one would call "unbending." My world can be incredibly black and white. There are certain things that are acceptable and there are certain things that are not.

For instance: wearing a seatbelt is required by law in the state I live in; therefore, a seatbelt must be worn. There is no discussion. There is no argument. There is no convincing me that sometimes, in a particularly given case, not wearing a seatbelt is acceptable. That is not to say I agree or disagree with the law. It's not up to me to discuss it - it just is because it's a law. So wear your seatbelt. All. The. Time.

My Black & White Unbendingness is also demonstrated in several other areas of my life. Although there are no particular laws governing the following, there should be.

In no case shall jello of any variety be placed on the same plate as any other food. And especially if there is a bun or other bread product on that plate. Jello juice shall not be allowed to ooze over and soak into my bun. That's just wrong.

Toe nail clippings shall not be placed in my line of sight. Ever. And they shall not, not ever, never, ever be left to sit out on the little side table next to the comfy chair in the living room where I'm just about to set my glass of koolaid because that will send me into a rage of astonishing proportions. I don't tolerate toenails. It's that simple.

It is never acceptable to leave a hair on the bar of soap that's sitting on the ledge in the bathtub. I don't care if that particular hair came from your chest and not your nether regions, it does not belong there. And there is no way I want to be the one to pluck that sucker off. Get it off, get it off, get it off!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go write my congressman about getting some of these 'should be' laws into effect.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Next Best Thing

Well, we managed to survive Halloween. Instead of running with the masses, we opted to create Halloween Treat Jars and deliver them to a select group of people. Dotter created her list, picked out the candy, and stuffed the jars. I helped tie on the Halloween ribbon she picked out. She dressed up as a vampire (the cape was totally the selling point for that kid) and off we went to deliver our goods. I guess instead of Trick or Treating she went Treat Delivering.

Now that Halloween is over it's time to focus on the next big holiday. And by that I mean Black Friday. The day reserved by insane people to willingly wake up at some ungodly early hour to fight crowds in the hopes of securing a super cool deal on a portable DVD player that's only good between the hours of 5am and 7am. Oh, and there's only two of those particular items in the store so you have to fight your fellow man in order to be the first to grab it. Hold on tightly, because your neighbor is at the end of the aisle with his foot out hoping to trip you. The minute you let go he grabs on.... twenty minutes and six people later, some woman is checking out with your portable DVD player. The one you woke up early to get.

No, thank you. Not for me. I stay home and sleep in on Black Friday. I was never into competitive sports. Well, I was on the golf team that one year of high school - but I don't think it counts if the coach asks you to not bother showing up anymore. And I ran long distance in track and cross country, but the difference is no one is hurling objects at you when you're running. It's not like soccer where you're fighting over some ball. It's not like volleyball where the other team is trying to line drive the ball into your face. They don't even try to be sneaky about it - it's called a spike. Would you like a spike to your frontal lobe? No thank you.

If I didn't enjoy the art of expending physical energy at the risk of serious injury in the hopes of landing another picture in my yearbook, I'm certainly not going to enjoy an early session of Utimate Hot Potato Fighting in the middle of Aisle 13 at Target. Besides, I don't think any product is worth a potential black eye.