Friday, June 18, 2010

On the Set of Mission Impossible


It's not everyday you look out the side window of the car you're driving and see this: a helicopter, racing next to you at eye level. Whatcha doin' over there, Mr. Helicopter Pilot? Aren't you supposed to be a little higher in the sky? You're not experiencing engine difficulties, are you?


A crop dusting helicopter?! That's right. I've got to tell you, I was impressed. It was like watching Mission Impossible the way that copter would pop straight up over a row of trees then disappear again in the blink of an eye.

But I sort of missed the bright yellow biplane...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The One Where We Don't Allow the Bean to Babysit Anymore

Jelly Bean spent some quality time bonding with Cletus the Used to be Fetus. This is how they entertained themselves:


The mohawk was cute. Even the tattoo was kind of funny. The gansta chain was questionable. But the chest hair? I mean.... ew.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Because I Could Never Find a Ruler or a Pencil with MY Name on it...

Growing up everyone had pencils and rulers with their names on them. And little license plates for their bikes. And stickers. And pads of paper. And bookmarks. Everyone. Everyone but me. Every Jenny had one. (Several, actually, those snobs.) And every Kim. And all the Carrie's, too.

But not me. I had to have one of those names that you didn't really hear that often. Bridget. Sure, adults loved it. But me? Where was my pin with my name on it? Once in a while I'd come across a Bridgette - but that was nothing but a cruel joke. It was soooo unnnffaaaiirrrr!

And so, like any good mother suffering from insecurities brought on by a childhood of disappointments, I vowed to put my own children through that same hell. No normal names for me, no sireebob! Or Jenny.

But then one day I thought you know, I kinda like my kids. And I kind of like their names. And I feel bad that they will never understand what it feels like to have their name stamped into a 12" piece of neon pink plastic. So, I got me this:



This, my friends, is my most favorite, my most special piece of jewelry in all the world.

This is a charm bracelet handcrafted especially for me by the unbelievably talented Miss Lisa of Equinox Design Studio. It has each of my children's names and their birthdates stamped into the charms. And it was made with love. Because that's how Miss Lisa works. I love her!

Miss Lisa is already ramping up for her next season... she sits and makes all these beautiful pieces of artwork that you can wear. She's done a couple one-of-a-kind pieces (this being one of them) and I've been nothing but over the top impressed with the quality and handiwork. So make sure you get in line.

Now, if you know me, I wouldn't exactly be described as a jewelry wearing gal, but I wear this bracelet almost every single day. I'm especially fond of the light twinkling music the bracelet makes when the charms touch. Makes me smile every time.

I'm thinking of having more children for the sole purpose of adding on to the bracelet. That's how cool this is.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Bad Date #42

Once upon a time I looked across a seedy bar my friends and I hung out at and caught the eye of a guy I knew. I'd known him for several years but really all I knew was he was funny and when he smiled and laughed his eyes lit up. "He smiles from the inside out," I'd think.

So, Smiley made the walk over and we started small talk chatter that somehow morphed its way into a really fun night of dancing. Now, I love me a boy that dances. Dances. Not grinds, pumps or gyrates. No, I love me a boy that can dance.

For the next several weekends we would dance. And laugh. And dance. And joke. And dance. And flirt. And dance. Then the request came, but it was more of a command, "Let's have dinner tomorrow night." Uh, dinner? Together? As in sitting across the table trying to hold an actual conversation without dancing? What about the dancing?

But he was cute. And he smiled from the inside out. And he knew how to dance. Of course I said yes.

I got excited. Thinking about what I would wear. How I would do my make-up. What we would talk about. Where we would go.

He called in the early afternoon to remind me of our plans... "I'm just heading out to work a field, but I wanted to call and  tell you how excited I am about tonight." My heart was already melting.

I soaked in the tub, painted my nails, and put on a mud mask. I was going all out for Smiley.

A few hours later he called again. This time to tell me about tractor trouble. He might be a tad late. Not a problem, I told him. I understood. Field work doesn't wait. I changed my outfit. Twice.

A couple hours later he called again. This time from inside the cab of a noisy tractor. He was listening to the radio and told me he loved the country song playing, "If you were here I'd take you for a spin around the dance floor... it's a pretty big field so we'd have lots of room!" I smiled at the thought. Since it was getting late he proposed a change in plans. "I'll pick up a pizza and head on over to your place - but it'll be late. 9:30 or so."

About quarter after nine my phone rang. It was Smiley. He'd just gotten home, was hopping in the shower and would drive into town, pick up the pizza and be at my door.

Thirty minutes later my phone rang again. It was Smiley. He'd already showered, dressed, picked up the pizza (that was QUICK!) and wanted to know what I liked to drink because he was stopping off at the gas station. I told him I liked Coke and I'd see him in twenty minutes. Then I ran to the bathroom to do some last minute checks: reapply the lip gloss, another layer of deodorant, try to tame that cowlick, not bad.

I made sure the kitchen was clean and the pillows were on the couch just right. Pulled out a magazine so it looked like I had been casually reading and not running around as nervous as I was. Flipped through the television channels to find the best program to be watching when he arrived: not too girly, I'd seem lame; not too educational, I'd come off nerdy. I settled on the classic movie Caddyshack that was just beginning. Everybody's favorite. And I watched it.

All of it. I watched the entire movie. By myself.

Surely Smiley had been involved in a traffic accident. Or was car jacked. Or had stopped to pull a family to safety from a burning building. Right? I mean, what else would explain why he called before he got to the gas station and now, two hours later, he hadn't arrived. He had called multiple times throughout the day. Excited. He could've blown me off several times. What the heck?

Of course I called him. All I got was his voice mail. I left 2 messages. One early on just checking to see if there was any problem finding my house - I didn't want him going up and down the streets ringing doorbells at 10 o'clock at night. And another message later, more concerned, hoping that everything was ok and hoping there wasn't any emergency he had to deal with - like being mugged at knifepoint, having his mouth covered in duct tape and shoved into the trunk of some car.

Two hours turned into three, then four, and then I was falling asleep, waking up every now and again thinking I simply must have slept through the call that would explain how the police just saved him and he's on his way to the hospital now to get checked out. That he insisted on calling me from the ambulance because he just felt so horrible knowing I was sitting there waiting on him.

But I never missed any calls. Because no calls were ever made.

I'd drift off to sleep again.

My phone started ringing at 6:48am. I think I answered before the first ring had even been completed. It was Smiley and he sounded, well, sad. He was sorry about last night and wanted to talk to me, in person, if I had a minute. "Sure," I answered. "What time?" "Now. I'm outside." But my mascara is all smudged and my eyes are puffy because, although I didn't want to, I cried a lot last night.

I let him in, head down, shoulders slumped, and I thought, Oh, this is bad. Someone has died.

"I really, really wanted to see you last night. All day long I was excited thinking about it. Thinking about spending time with you. Laughing. You're so fun to be around and I love everything about you. I don't know what happened - I had the pizza and I stopped to get soda and when I went to check out, there was this girl - I had never seen her before - and she was just, well, standing there, working, and I don't know what happened - but it was like I couldn't breathe - she was just so beautiful..."

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

"...and I had to talk to her and before I knew it an hour had past. Then two. And then she was off work, so we stayed up talking all night long in my truck and - I've never felt this way before, but it was like, when I was with her nothing else mattered."

Smiley and the Gas Station Attendant dated, got married and had babies.

I bought my own pizza.