Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mow & Blow, Baby. Mow & Blow.

Tall Overbearing Bald Guy: [obviously angry and annoyed] When is it illegal to mow and blow?

ME: [umm... when it's videotaped with a minor?] Excuse me?

TOBG: Don't you have some rule that says people can't mow and blow their lawns at ridiculous, ungodly hours of the day?

ME: [Ah, we're talking about lawn maintenance!] Unfortunately we do not. However, many private associations have rules governing such activity so you should check with the association.

TOBG: [increasingly loud & angry] I don't care about other associations! I only care about where I live!

ME: That's fair. Except I don't know where you live.

TOBG: [ignoring me, getting louder] People shouldn't just be allowed to mow and blow whenever they want.

ME: [distracted by the knowledge the term "mow and blow" has been used three times in less than a minute, and all I can think of now is low budget porn] .... Uh, well, you can contact the police department with a noise complaint. I assume a neighbor is doing yardwork at an unreasonable hour?

TOBG: [yelling loud, red in face, some spit can be seen flying] My idiot neighbor is out there mowing his lawn at 6 o'clock at night! I can't hear the nightly news! I've got to SHUT MY WINDOWS to hear the damn T.V.! What the hell is he doing mowing the lawn and blowing yard clippings that late at night?!

ME: [6 o'clock is late?!] Well, I actually work full time until five, so that's actually when I mow my lawn.

TOBG: [pausing] .... Well.... How am I supposed to know if he works full time?.... Anyway, he knows I watch the news every night at six. He should be considerate of that! I guess I'll just have to call the police since you refuse to help me!

ME: Yes, I think that would be your best bet. [silently thinking, "Thank God you'll be THEIR problem now!"]

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