Tweet 1. Enjoy crunchy, non-stale crackers because all food packages will be properly sealed according to the Pantry Re-entry System.
2. Buy new underwear since I no longer have to pay additional $150 surprise teen fees on my cell phone bill.
3. Block the Disney channel using the parental control system on my brand new television set. (My brand new television set that has all its buttons and does not have a permanent marker doodle in the left hand corner of the screen.) And I'm also blocking Nickelodeon.
4. Never, ever, ever put my hand in a crusty, grungy sock to turn it right-side-out in order to effectively wash the sucker. People who leave their balled up socks in my living room will not be allowed over to play.
5. Enjoy meals that include dishes like mashed potatoes with goat cheese and kale, or tandoori chicken or spicy black bean soup in the absence of whining.
6. Go to the bathroom. by. myself.
7. Read in silence. And actually recall what it was that I just read.
8. Walk barefoot through my living room without threat of severe injury or impalement. (No matchbox cars.)
9. Enjoy the fact the dish rag is effectively wrung out after each use and not left in a wadded sopping mess shoved between the kitchen faucet and the wall.
10. Buy really good shampoo and conditioner now since the only user has a keen sense of portion control.