Thursday, March 18, 2010

And the Guilty Shall Remain Nameless (ahem, Burger King)

Yes, I get that you need to eat lunch, too. I understand that it must be very difficult to smell that lovely charbroiled food you hand out through the drive-thru all day long. What I don't get is why you feel you have to eat at the drive-thru window where customers might be able to see you. What I don't understand is why you feel it necessary to lick your fingers while looking out the window at my car. You know there's a person in that car, right? I mean, the car wasn't there a second ago and now it is, so a fair assumption is there is a driver inside that car. The car you're looking at. While you're shoving food in your face. And lapping at your hands. Perhaps the driver could even be considered a valued customer. One who probably isn't blind. (Because she can drive a car, moron.) Meaning she can see you.

Yes, I know it probably goes on at every restaurant in America. Employees get hungry, grab something quick to snack on, slather it in sauce, and lick up the mess from wrist to finger before they quick tend to the customer. (Which, for the record, is incredibly gross.) But if I don't actually see it with my own eyes it's that much easier for me to pretend your establishment might actually be one of those where people don't lick their fingers seconds before handing me my food.

Perhaps you didn't notice my look of stunned horror. (That was key to the "gee, she probably thought that was really gross. Maybe I shouldn't do that anymore" realization you were supposed to have.)

I was hungry. Starved, actually, before I was privy to that total lack of cleanliness. Because of you I couldn't enjoy my healthy fish sandwich and apple fries no matter how many times I sprayed the bag with anti-cootie spray. I could only attempt to wash away my feelings of disgust by hastily eating the funnel cake sticks. I'm not even sure if that was enough to block this...this... episode out of my memory. I think the only right thing for you to do to fix this is to send more funnel cake sticks my way. A lot more. With frosting. Thankyouverymuch.

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